So It Begins… So It Never Ends…

One eyeing it on the way to work. Sober of all things. Eyes heavy from lack of sleep. Eyes heavy from all the shit holding me back. Sadly, this is the norm and not the exception. This isn’t one long night. This is a collection of endless nights. The emotional drain of doing the same thing every night is called life. It won’t find that definition in the dictionary. No, they only put what people don’t know in those damn things. Told we could do anything. Told we could be anything. If this is something then they can take all of it back. Their lies keep us from killing ourselves, but don’t be fooled we kill ourselves every day. Risking our lives for a dollar and a day that most of us, the ones that truly need it, will never know assurance of financial independence. But at least on holidays we get time and a half, so that’s something. Not everyone is so lucky to even receive that. Smile big, smile with everything, smile until it bleeds. How could I ever be so lucky? Decades, generations of sweat and blood only calls for more. We all belong to a collective noise all saying the same thing, “Follow your dreams.” The dreams keep us going even if they will never come true. What if my dreams are to watch the world burn? Something to pass the time.

Figuratively of course the smell of burning bodies would get pretty nauseating very quickly and the screams. I don’t even like to hear my neighbors beating the shit out of one another, so I couldn’t even imagine how annoying a thousand plus screaming people would even sound like. All seriousness aside though. I’m not a bad person looking for a reason. I am not the embodiment of evil looking for the world to bend at the knee. I feel things. Feel them probably more than I should some would say. Bent on my own knees. Scrapping against the concrete. I’m not even sure I care for what I feel from day to day. I just see all this kindling sitting there in our society and I think all it needs is a spark. One tiny flash of light to set the whole thing into an uncontrollable inferno, and I wonder why can’t that be me? Opportunity is what set those who do apart from those that don’t. Some stupid shit like that. People say a lot of shit. I can’t be expected to write it all down or convince you that it is all true. Facts are facts, lies are lies, and if everyone you is lying… all you have to do is tell the truth…

But could one tiny spark really set this all into total chaos? Can words really change everything? Am I prepared for a world left in ashes from the comfort of my office chair? Defiantly wouldn’t be anything to bitch about, and that would suck. I mean could you imagine coming home and having nothing to say? What a waste of a day. Maybe there is a reason that not all dreams come true. There I go again talking myself back into my chains, back into slavery. Don’t be fooled. That is all this is. It never went away. They changed the rules, but this is still the same game. Humanity will always take what isn’t theirs for themselves. This isn’t new. Cycles and waves. It is in our nature. Someone’s nature. Been at the bottom so long. I get confused. Forget my place in all of this. Have the right to say whatever I want, but no one has ever had to listen. A million mouths all saying the same thing is only noise. A unified noise that sounds like nothing at all. In that way we are all equal. In that way as we kneel next each other. We are more connected than some assholes would like to believe. We all want to be special, but there’s nothing special about any of us. It comes down to luck and opportunity. Neither of which are connected in any way…

Honesty will only get you hated. The world doesn’t want freedom or change they just believe that they do. What they really want is more of the same. More shows about people like them, more stories about people who go through the same shit as them. What they want is to feel as though someone understands what they are going through. When we are all going through the same shit. Over and over and fucking over again. They say that they want one thing, but in truth they want the exact opposite of that because the human race is too stupid to realize what they want. I don’t even know what I want. I fit right into the puzzle and it makes me sick. I hate myself for it. Like a good whore it is only after I’m done that it dawns on me. That I am as much of the problem as everyone around me. If only we actually thought about our thoughts. Think long enough and you might have something to think about. Mob mentality doesn’t leave room for dreams. All the screaming doesn’t leave any room for change. All my depression doesn’t leave any room for admiration. No, all these thoughts only help to keep me tethered to the ground.

Fuck… it’s only been five minutes…

Layne Ambrose

Haven’t I said enough already…
Sell my soul they say…
Give them what they want…
Never sign anything unless you have nothing to lose…
I had everything and now I have nothing…

Teething On Concrete
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