Got to drink for any of this to make any sense
Anything to drain my mind from feeling like this
Breaking apart or so it seems
Becoming the darkness in the shadows of my mind
Not much longer and the devil will be I
Given up so much to not be them
Taken in so much poison to be so far removed
The venom hurt at first, but not anymore
Above all things I have learned
Feeling nothing at all was always the greatest lesson
One more to make this all go away
A broken thought to end them all

Disabled and can’t be repaired…

How long am I willing to wait for everything to be better
How long has it been already
My whole life, nothing’s changed
No matter what I do
My impatience a crutch
My boredom only an excuse
How long am I willing to believe everything will be better
How long has it been already
My whole life, everything changes
No matter what I do
My experiences a crutch
My anticipation only an excuse
To believe this depression will ever leave me

Searching the world for someone who really cares…

A long gasp at the air
Who knew this was it
A long stride into hell
Who knew it could be as cool as this
Broke away only to break in
How we’ve missed it
The signs all pointed North
Been heading South all along
What it is outside the observable universe
More nothing then we can understand
Who knew it was a joke
Wasn’t funny, laughed anyway
Paying attention but no idea what’s been said
Wandering around naked never felt so natural
Wasting time trying to figure it out
No longer running from something
All that matters after so much pain

Been depressed as of late… feeling sorry for myself once again… I hate it… yet I fall right in line… digging myself out takes most of my excuses… sorry energy… I have no reason to feel depressed… but there I sit… staring at the screen… wanting to be here nor there… sitting… doing nothing… pissing myself off at my own laziness… I work like there is a gun held to the back of my head…. but at home?… I stare into a screen… a wall… a mirror… acting as though I have all the time in the world… as though everything will work itself out… I’m all mixed up… setting off the triggers… that leave me lying there… do this to myself… and blame everyone else… talking to myself inside my head once again…

At work I was working on this whole other thing in my head… still am I guess… chewing on the glass… so to speak… the blood drips from my lip… I think I know where it is I must begin…