More Black Cloud Than Anything Else

No more reason to even try
Spirts been sucked right out of
Everything I thought I had to say
A black cloud is swinging by for a visit
Can feel it in my bones and see it on the horizon
None of it never made much sense anyway
Been told there’s no more reason to try
Oh well… bever had much to go on in the first place
Talking out my ass could only go so far
Until it could all go nowhere at all
Pretty good run… if you’re asking me
No one ever is… maybe they should’ve
The storm is raging all around inside my head
End of the world and all that we know
No more reason to even try was what I was told
Spirits been broken from the start
Everything I thought I had to say
Was only something I heard before
Wasn’t much of anything anyway
My greatest enemy has always been myself
Takes the form of a black cloud I can’t put back
My spirit animal is me killing myself in my sleep
Can’t think of another way to explain these dreams
Feel as though there’s no more reason to even try
Never was much of a leader in the first place
Talking out my ass was my only gift in all of this
At the end of the line and I can see it now
Where I was heading was only where I’ve been
Wasting time denying what I already know
What I have been telling myself all along
There never was a reason to try in the first place
Pessimistic maybe… but looking down… looking in
I’m more black cloud than I ever was me to begin with
It’s all so hollow and empty… a storm passing through
With the best regards do what you want
Knowingly knowing that there isn’t
That there never was any reason to even try

Right Where We Are and Somewhere In Between

Pulling out my hair strand by strand
Make a wish I knew this wasn’t it
Living down under a bridge couldn’t be for everyone
Getting crowded in this field of dreams
Trying to fit in… trying to find my place within
Right where we are and somewhere in between
Generational wealth isn’t at all what it used to be
Drugs was never the answer, but they could at least feel
Blank stares and some confusion this lost circus
Been set to drift at sea… no use looking back now
There never was anything beyond the horizon though
Only more land with the same old shit we drag along
Always running away for the things that make us human
Finding a solution is never the most correct assumption
Frowny face… OMG… I just can’t even… could you imagine?
Chain smoking along as we go so far from home
Tails tucked between our legs until they are no more
Little bloody stumps skipping across the water
More to the left until we reach all the way to the right
We’ve come to conquer what’s already been won
Can I find the tutorial online?
Trying and failing was never really my thing
Too many mouths to feed
Do you know what I mean?
Consuming more than I can afford
Histories repeating and I just can’t even
The shits piling up and we’re doing the vest we can
Where does this shit ever end?
Histories repeating and I just seriously can’t even
Right where we are and somewhere in between

Red, blue, green it doesn’t matter
They all want the same thing
Red, blue, green it doesn’t matter
They all keep saying the same damn things
Red, blue, and green it doesn’t matter
We’re all just as fucked as the rest of us
Histories are repeating and I just can’t
Keep on moving without a solution
Just about ass-to-ankles and this line isn’t moving
Histories repeating and we just can’t even
Strap a rocket to our asses and get on out of here

Pulling out my hair strand by strand
Doesn’t matter none of this makes sense to me
Living to feed an economy that doesn’t represent
Too many of me to work out for everyone
Fascism may have had a point… shut the fucking door
There has to be a better solution we haven’t tried before
Are you out of your mind?… Not even human anymore
No longer fitting into this evolving ecosystem
Generational knowledge isn’t what it used to be
Synthetic was never the answer… not seeing any other way
Stuck in this circus that’s been set out to drift
There was never any hope we’d make it beyond the stars
Only more planets with same old problems to drag along
Ignoring all the things that make us human
Finding a solution could never be the correct way to think
Frowny face… OMG… I just couldn’t even… could you imagine
Little bloody stumps cruising toward oblivion
Moving up and up until we’ve reached the bottom again
We’ve finally come to understand
What it really means to win
Starting over once again with a little less
Then what we had to begin with
Too many mouths to feed
Do you know what I mean?
Consuming more than we could produce
Histories repeating and I just can’t even
The shits piling up and we tried the best we could
Histories repeating and I just seriously can’t even
Right where we are and somewhere in between
Where does all this shit really end?
Not with a little whimper… but another big bang
Been here once before and look how we are back again
Red, blue, green, me, you, and everyone else too
It doesn’t matter
We’ve all wanted the same thing
Everything…

Poems today… that is something different… themes and structure?… not a real big fan of either… but I can’t seem to escape these thoughts floating around in my head… depression feels like a black cloud from time to time… not really a hard stretch of a theme floating around here… neither is the fact that society is always falling apart… Histories repeating… I just can’t even… first draft was about how burnt out I was with the news… with the media… with us… the world… myself… everyone ever… OMG… could you imagine?… I’m not sure it even matters anymore… we aren’t going anywhere any time soon… second draft thoughts… we’ll see where the next draft takes me… oblivion and beyond I imagine… more on the theme though while it is on my mind… unfiltered of course…

I have many controversial thoughts… cancellable if you will… burn me at the stake kind of thoughts… the kind of thoughts that could end a career real quick if anyone ever found out… Can you keep a secret?… Good… People like secrets… this much I know is true… the most controversial of my thought though has to be… that people need to read more… coming in a strong second on my list of devilish thoughts?… people need to listen to what other people have to say… I know… and I will walk myself to the gallows… and I will await the stones you deserve to throw… the heavier the better if you would please… Because communication is for people who want to make a change… I just want to scream… like everyone else… but I can’t… so I read… and I listen… and what I keep finding is that… histories are repeating… bigger… smaller… better… worse… it’s the same old shit… I just can’t even…

Let’s pick a problem… doesn’t matter which one… abortions… gun control… racism… HOA fees… whatever it is… I guarantee we’ve been bitching about it for a century or two or forever and yet… we think we can take this shit to the moon and beyond?… we think we could go someplace else… some place better… and solve these unsolvable solutions with some place better than where we already are?… I just can’t even… understand how we’ve gotten this far… because if we really stop… look around… we haven’t really gotten that far to begin with… we haven’t fixed anything from our days in caves… we’ve only packed up our shit and moved it so far to the left that we are back to the right again… we can believe we are so much better than those people in caves all we’d like… but they are us and we are them…

Problems are important… HOA fees especially… solutions too… couldn’t even begin to think of one… but histories going to keep on repeating… that’s where I am at so far in my thesis… I don’t have any more solutions than the rest of you… so I’ll keep reading and I’ll keep listening I guess… I never was much of a leader anyway… More Black Cloud Than Anything Else… frowny face… OMG… themes and structures?… could you imagine?…