The memories they change
Remembering all the bad times
Seems to work out this way
Your selfish needs never changed
And I can’t look away anymore
Not like I ever could before
All these years spent to get here
Mild forms of abuse build up over time
The hurt seeps like an open wound
From my heart through my soul
Took long enough but I see it now
Bruised and broken… I see it now
You never cared I just thought you did
It takes two to love and the ship has sailed
It takes two and well it’s no longer there
The more I think about it
The more the memories change in my head
Remembering all the good times
Only blend in with the worst of them
When I look at you from any distance
The hurt is all I can seem to see… feel endlessly
Nothing can be the same as it was before
Took long enough but I can see you now
Finally all caught up and I know you see it too
It takes two to love and we’ve gone past empty
It takes two to love and it doesn’t live here anymore
Our memories a ghostly shadow in the back of my mind

She’s the anchor that I need to reach the floor… the one I adore…

A separation between church and state…
An illusion that is less than a myth…
There is no relief in justice…
There is no freedom in prayer…
Repeat the words as written…
The alters have all caught fire…
Burnt up matches in hand…
What did you think was my plan…
For separating these conflicting ideals?…
You act as though I give a damn…
You act as though you didn’t know…

She is in everything I see… I’d sell my soul… what it takes…

The sadness it isn’t leaving me
Haunting me more than I’d like to admit
These feelings they don’t go away
Wishing I was dead feels more like part of me
Than the little voice inside my head
Really not trying to give in
Only how it is the longer it goes
Wishing I never had to feel this way
I’m sure I’ve made a mess of things
Never could figure out anything
The feelings though
They just keep haunting me
Taking myself to that place that has taken me
Wasn’t worth it to try and understand
Running in circles was never going to give me
Anything I wanted in the end
There’s no answer at the end of a bottle
At the end of this noose but I’ve been
Compelled throughout my life to find out
Where this sadness comes from within me
Rather than searching for happiness in this life

I don’t have much to say today… I wanted to have a bunch of things to say… Ideas kept sparking up while typing up these old memories… talk about this or that… that could be interesting… or maybe someone would give a shit about that… I’ve come to the conclusion that most people don’t give a shit… because I don’t… I could be wrong… I mostly am… some people call it being human… some people also think the earth is flat… and I’ll believe some crazy shit… but the idea that the world is in any way flat is twenty times more complicated than just being like yeah it’s round… call it being human… but life is to simple for such complex things…

See… I can’t seem to focus today… every day can’t be the best day of our lives… more shit that people say… people will say anything to keep this shit moving… me included… because I am human after all… so of course I’m going to seek out all the reasons I am sad… depressed… unhappy… broken… and ignore even the slightest happiness that may be happen around me… it has been months… maybe years… at a certain point everything becomes a blur of the same old shit… but it has been awhile since I have found the happiness in anything… beyond a fleeting second at best… not sure why that is… keeping it moving I guess… head down and never stopping… losing focus once again… I’m sure there is something in all of this… and hopefully at least one of you can see it… because I’m on my way to the next thing…

That sounds so much darker than I intended it to be… I just meant that I was on my way to working on my next project… or playing three straight hours of Binding of Isaac and wondering why I can’t seem to get anything done… better than chasing the end of a bottle I’m told… but is it?… it is… Hope all is well…

Thank you… to all of you that have been reading my first novel… the sequel is on it’s way… I promise…

Don’t forget to leave a review for A Lie…

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