The stars projecting my thoughts onto the screen
A movie no one asked to see, but I can’t help to inflict
I knew that if I walked a straight line I’d be here once again
Couldn’t help but to test the theory for myself
Inflict my own sense of justice until nothing was left
Rambling onto lyrics trapped in my head
Setting out to prove that not all things can die
Nothing is ever how it seems
Love could never be what I believed it to be
Passion is for lovers with something to prove
You’ve only ever proved you’ve had no passion for me
I get it now, but it’s too late to take it all away
Been poisoned for too long for an antidote to work
My symptoms are only who I’ve become
Cutting out the infection isn’t working
Cutting out all the wrong pieces to justify my life
A heap of a broken mess left behind
You’ve taken everything I was willing to give
There is no returning from death
No matter how inviting it may seem
A lesson learned from the start
I’ve read too many messages not to understand
The truth behind all these lies
I’ve lived too many days feeling the same way
Too not understand the truth of this lie
Love doesn’t cost a thing… It cost everything

Thoughts and words aren’t doing it for me… anymore…

Broken record, broken thoughts, broken excuses
For which I rest my soul upon
Sacrifice myself for some greater good
Because I’m bored to death
No nobility in my actions
Nothing honorable about how I feel in my head
Politically we’ve always been mildly incorrect
So scared of everything we didn’t already know
Silently seething about nothing at all

I only know how to suffer… and I do it so well…

Pissing on the floor
To prove a point
It wasn’t like
Any one was paying attention
Before… before all of this
Could have been something more
Before… all of this
The screams at least made sense
Before… all of this
moaning and whining
Until I’m on the floor
I wanted so much
All I wanted was more
Possessed by this demon
Of want and need
It doesn’t take long
For it all to go
A house of discarded cards
A hopelessness I can call
Home

Broken Thoughts

Is any of this for your benefit?… probably not… that last broken thought was inspired by recent reviewing of the Exorcist… if you haven’t seen it… it is pretty good… still holds up after all these years… I first saw the Exorcist in high school though… not sure exactly when… I enjoyed it as a classic film and didn’t really find any of it frightening… at the time… I’ve actually seen it quite a few times… but I have only seen it once since having a child… this last time… and I must say that… it hits harder than you could possibly imagine… with or without the whole demon or devil aspect…

I would suggest watching it if you haven’t seen it… sans having any children of course… unless you want to cry… no idea why you’d want to cry… but if you do… no judgement… I’m not sure I’ll ever watch it again… maybe when my daughter is old enough… even then I’m not looking forward to it… which is all a round about way of saying I didn’t piss on any floors… I am very much house broken…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… continues Ambrose’s dissection of self through short stories, poetry, and broken thoughts. Full of rage, passion, love, and understanding. Ambrose goes deeper than ever before chasing more than ghosts into the darkness.

Stories Exclusive to this Volume…

Awaken: Something has awoken through the haunting madness of nightmares. Something dark and sinister. A lifetime of struggle with demented images leads to one fateful night as the Church of the Abandoned come to reap what they have long sowed so many years ago. Expanding further into the cult that is the abandoned. When God calls upon you… How will you answer?

Dead Body Moving: Everything is going well. Better than well really. Only not everything on the surface is as it appears. On his way to run an errand for his job Ambrose will discover more than he bargained for in this twisted tale. The cost for a little peace of mind isn’t for everyone.

2 Days In the Sun: Stuck in the desert with nowhere to go Owen’s options aren’t looking good. Stay put and die in the unforgiving heat or walk the twenty miles to the nearest town under the same conditions. In this heat and a warm bottle of water Owen should be there in no time. Follow Owen as he mingles with the eclectic locals in his search for help.

The Pale Girl: Early preview chapter to the forthcoming novel Blood Letter. In the early days of America something wicked this way comes. A beautiful and mysterious woman has arrived at the plantation and has sparked emotions never felt before in one of the inhabitants. Proving that even in the darkest of places love can blossom. Will this new found love be the end of her or the beginning of something more?

Can’t seem to focus on anything other than
The feelings left behind from before
I’m pretending they aren’t there
Acting as though they have come and gone
Never left and now I’m unsure what to do
Can’t seem to move past the things holding me down
This feeling of feeling dead inside
Been pretending that it isn’t true
Acting as though everything is normal and fine
I’ve never felt worse in my whole life
Can’t seem to focus on anything else
Other than feeling I wish I was dead
Acting as though it has come and gone
Can’t seem to move past the things born into me
These feelings deep down inside
Acting as though the thought doesn’t control me
I’ve only grown to feel worse than I did
Can’t seem to focus on much else

The thing about parenting… you don’t have to be perfect… you just have to be there…

The problem with your lies
Is that you forget that I don’t
Our words stand for more than our sins
A history that plays inside my head
A living timeline that lives on past my death
They told me it would go away
The further I got away from the source
Back around I only see everything once again
Flashbacks to a time that meant nothing
A life I have to keep living
And everyone wonders why I want to die
The problem with this life
Is that I can’t forget I don’t
Our actions carry a sentence I didn’t ask for
A history that plays over and over
Whenever I look into your eyes
The problem with lying to myself
Is that I can’t forget that I shouldn’t
Our actions and words hurt more than me
Trapped in a false sense of paradise
Locked away until the illusion dies
Smile and hope this pain will leave
The problem with living our lie
Is that you forget that I don’t
Our words stand for more than our sins
A history that plays inside my head
A living timeline that lives on…

The truth only folds into the lies… layer by layer… moment by moment…

Trapped in the same reflections
Not living the life I was meant
Sick of feeling this way
Shackled to the ground
Dead corpses rotting next to me
Open sores where the metal meets the skin
Chains I’ve attached to myself
Too afraid to live
Too afraid of death
I couldn’t survive inside my head
I’ve locked myself away in here
No longer know what it is
I want any more
From a life that never
Gave me anything before

Broken Thoughts

Still haven’t found anything to watch… which is upsetting… how am I supposed to distract myself from actually getting anything done?… Sometimes life is just too hard… but like the rest of all of you… I must power through… I’m restless really… one of those perfect days… where nothing really means that much to me… not the words… not the movie selection… not the music… or even the silence… emptiness… and yet anxious and restless… I want to do it all and nothing at all… failure after failure… with so little success…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… continues Ambrose’s dissection of self through short stories, poetry, and broken thoughts. Full of rage, passion, love, and understanding. Ambrose goes deeper than ever before chasing more than ghosts into the darkness.

Stories Exclusive to this Volume…

Awaken: Something has awoken through the haunting madness of nightmares. Something dark and sinister. A lifetime of struggle with demented images leads to one fateful night as the Church of the Abandoned come to reap what they have long sowed so many years ago. Expanding further into the cult that is the abandoned. When God calls upon you… How will you answer?

Dead Body Moving: Everything is going well. Better than well really. Only not everything on the surface is as it appears. On his way to run an errand for his job Ambrose will discover more than he bargained for in this twisted tale. The cost for a little peace of mind isn’t for everyone.

2 Days In the Sun: Stuck in the desert with nowhere to go Owen’s options aren’t looking good. Stay put and die in the unforgiving heat or walk the twenty miles to the nearest town under the same conditions. In this heat and a warm bottle of water Owen should be there in no time. Follow Owen as he mingles with the eclectic locals in his search for help.

The Pale Girl: Early preview chapter to the forthcoming novel Blood Letter. In the early days of America something wicked this way comes. A beautiful and mysterious woman has arrived at the plantation and has sparked emotions never felt before in one of the inhabitants. Proving that even in the darkest of places love can blossom. Will this new found love be the end of her or the beginning of something more?