Looking Deeper Into The Soul…

A Lie… A Novel… Out Now…

Where did this all begin? The hurt… the pain… the confusion… the lies…

“Everything is fine. Everything is how it is supposed to be. Lie to yourself long enough and everything will be fine. Right?” A lie is the story of where all this began. For one of us at least. Struggling through life during a time when nothing feels certain. Our hopeless character figures out what it means to survive when everything is taken away… Walks away… Goes away… How it feels or how it is? Trying to regain a sense of reality won’t be easy as everything comes closing in. As the depression comes settling in and the desperation grows.

Layne Ambrose holds nothing back as he explores themes of self-discovery and isolation in a day-to-day struggle with a town and life on the brink of collapse. Desperation can and does come from anywhere. Finding solace at the bottom of a bottle… and any substance to escape these new found feelings. A lie can only be stretched so far before the truth is exposed. What is real and what isn’t? When everything feels like a lie inside your head?

Available On Amazon… Kindle… Paperback…

Something Different…

Broken Soul

Even when we try to let it go
It goes nowhere, but straight to the heart
Wearing myself thin, dead skin mask
Stretched so tight, who am I supposed to be
If I can’t be you
Envision myself to be better
Lies I tell myself to get by
Broken boned and everything I despise
Two more days and I’ll be okay
Keep telling myself the same old shit
Beating my head against the wall
Soon all the thoughts will flow out
Soon all that is wrong will be right again

Today was the day we died
We said we hadn’t
But I guess I lied
Smiled all the same
No one missed the exit
But no one knows where it is
Makes it easier
I guess
Take the next right
Hope for the best
Spiraling out into a fire
No one knows what it is
They are even looking for
Given up to give in
Makes sense in the end
Go ahead and give it
What it needs
Too much thought wasted
On what is and what could have been
I think, I do, but who knows
Dancing in the ashes of our souls
What happens when we’ve all gone to hell?
I can’t have a pity party
Every time you feel depressed
I’m running out of cake and shit to say

digging through the past… to understand how I feel in the present… finding inspiration in nothing… hard to be inspired by all the shit around me… have a wonderful day… 

Merch… Teespring… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Broken Thoughts… Vol. 3… Chasing Ghosts…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… Out Now…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… continues Ambrose’s dissection of self through short stories, poetry, and broken thoughts. Full of rage, passion, love, and understanding. Ambrose goes deeper than ever before chasing more than ghosts into the darkness.

Stories Exclusive to this Volume…

Awaken: Something has awoken through the haunting madness of nightmares. Something dark and sinister. A lifetime of struggle with demented images leads to one fateful night as the Church of the Abandoned come to reap what they have long sowed so many years ago. Expanding further into the cult that is the abandoned. When God calls upon you… How will you answer?

Dead Body Moving: Everything is going well. Better than well really. Only not everything on the surface is as it appears. On his way to run an errand for his job Ambrose will discover more than he bargained for in this twisted tale. The cost for a little peace of mind isn’t for everyone.

2 Days In the Sun: Stuck in the desert with nowhere to go Owen’s options aren’t looking good. Stay put and die in the unforgiving heat or walk the twenty miles to the nearest town under the same conditions. In this heat and a warm bottle of water Owen should be there in no time. Follow Owen as he mingles with the eclectic locals in his search for help.  

The Pale Girl: Early preview chapter to the forthcoming novel Blood Letter. In the early days of America something wicked this way comes. A beautiful and mysterious woman has arrived at the plantation and has sparked emotions never felt before in one of the inhabitants. Proving that even in the darkest of places love can blossom. Will this new found love be the end of her or the beginning of something more?

Available On Amazon… Paperback… Kindle…

It is no secret that I am a rabid fan of Ambrose. It was no secret around the office that I couldn’t wait to read this newest volume. Chasing Ghost does not disappoint. Ambrose’s writing is like a fresh cut that will never heal. There is no scar tissue to find here, only open wounds. Wounds that he invites you to crawl through, explore, and feel along with him.

Aileen Ramos, Noctifer Examiner

Who knew getting clean would bring out your darker side? Getting clean may have brought out your darker side, but it also brought out another part of you. The part of you that loves and is loved by the few that are close to you. You’re still an abrasive asshole by nature, but there is another layer there now. You’ve entered a new era that I can’t wait to explore and for others to explore.

Valerie Hannigan, Where the Dead Things Grow

There was once a frog. This frog danced and it sang. Screamed with joy at the top of its little lungs. Then one day a teacher handed a thirteen-year-old the frog and a scalpel. “Pin each part of the frog to a board,” the teacher said. The child excelled with ease. Working through the skin, the muscle, and the bones. Feeling nothing as they went. Dissecting until what was once a frog no longer resembled a frog. Kind of like that.

Edwin Edith Mirken, Fissure

Because Everything Can’t Be So Serious… Or Can It?…

Might be leaving here with very little battery life
But I don’t care
All in my head if you ask me
Not truly dead until five percent
And even then
Bringing all the hurt one could ever need
A sinkhole made of shit, more like quicksand
But who’s asking me
No one ever did so maybe that’s why I’m so bitter
Never got invited to the dance
And I never asked
Locked away inside my head
The despair is getting to me
Self-preservation unconsciously
But there’s nothing wrong with that
After awhile
After some time
All batteries drain away and the signals all gone

 

Mother’s Love Chocolate Covered Shit” was a title I came up with, but never used… It was going to be this long monologue… long stream of conscious thought… about all the chocolate covered shit at work for Mother’s Day… Yet no woman in my life has ever asked me or shown interest in such things… is this a case of society pushing crap on women or a deep secret desire to cover the world in chocolate?… but why only on Mother’s Day ladies?… Why not every day?… change starts with you… if you want something you have to take it… and pour chocolate on it… 

 

Proudly serving those that serve
Hidden slavery no one understands
Taken a fool by the Masters
Best intentions at heart
Proudly owned by those who own me
Wish I could separate myself from who I’ve become
Jaded and lost, time has a funny way of screwing us all
Where have the days gone if they haven’t gone anywhere
Standing in a stand still
Death will be here soon and then what do we do
Rehearsing  my place in all of this
One long line waiting to get in
Praying all of this will seem worth it

 

“I don’t see the bosses yellow Mustang or the midlife crises cruiser as I’ve been known to call it, so he is not here. Which is either a good thing or a very bad for me.” Not everything has to make sense at the time or years later… for some reason I never finished this thought… and even now I don’t know where I was going with this… This next part is in the same boat… a prewrite where… well you can read it and tell me… 

 

This prewrite didn’t reveal shit
Fuck technique when it doesn’t matter
Too much anger to flow
Too much anger to make any sense
Fuck you, like I care
I don’t, oh well, what are we going to do about it?
Suffering maybe the best way
But where does that leave the rest of us
Put your balls on the table
Watch them get chopped off and added to the pile
Wonder what the fuck is happening
Does it matter anymore
Fuck you said in only so many ways
Bit the curb and succumb to the toothless grin
Turns out teeth were more important than once thought
Rotting out from the inside
Your breath smells like shit and I can’t take it anymore
Shattered perception of what it takes to be a man
Called out to define the definition of a vagina
The words are so convoluted it’s like they don’t makes sense at all
Given up on the solution and the conflicted
Hollowed out and welcomed home

 

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This was all in fun… leftover pieces that didn’t fit anywhere else… some of it was stupid… who writes a poem about battery life?… haha… made sense at the time… lack of sleep will make anything makes sense though… the last entry… I have no idea where I was going other than to say random things… was my favorite… a lot of really cool… weird… dark lines… hopefully you enjoyed this trip inside my mind… this adventure into the past… 

Broken Thoughts… Vol. 3… Chasing Ghosts…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… Out Now…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… continues Ambrose’s dissection of self through short stories, poetry, and broken thoughts. Full of rage, passion, love, and understanding. Ambrose goes deeper than ever before chasing more than ghosts into the darkness.

Stories Exclusive to this Volume…

Awaken: Something has awoken through the haunting madness of nightmares. Something dark and sinister. A lifetime of struggle with demented images leads to one fateful night as the Church of the Abandoned come to reap what they have long sowed so many years ago. Expanding further into the cult that is the abandoned. When God calls upon you… How will you answer?

Dead Body Moving: Everything is going well. Better than well really. Only not everything on the surface is as it appears. On his way to run an errand for his job Ambrose will discover more than he bargained for in this twisted tale. The cost for a little peace of mind isn’t for everyone.

2 Days In the Sun: Stuck in the desert with nowhere to go Owen’s options aren’t looking good. Stay put and die in the unforgiving heat or walk the twenty miles to the nearest town under the same conditions. In this heat and a warm bottle of water Owen should be there in no time. Follow Owen as he mingles with the eclectic locals in his search for help.  

The Pale Girl: Early preview chapter to the forthcoming novel Blood Letter. In the early days of America something wicked this way comes. A beautiful and mysterious woman has arrived at the plantation and has sparked emotions never felt before in one of the inhabitants. Proving that even in the darkest of places love can blossom. Will this new found love be the end of her or the beginning of something more?

Available On Amazon… Paperback… Kindle…

It is no secret that I am a rabid fan of Ambrose. It was no secret around the office that I couldn’t wait to read this newest volume. Chasing Ghost does not disappoint. Ambrose’s writing is like a fresh cut that will never heal. There is no scar tissue to find here, only open wounds. Wounds that he invites you to crawl through, explore, and feel along with him.

Aileen Ramos, Noctifer Examiner

Who knew getting clean would bring out your darker side? Getting clean may have brought out your darker side, but it also brought out another part of you. The part of you that loves and is loved by the few that are close to you. You’re still an abrasive asshole by nature, but there is another layer there now. You’ve entered a new era that I can’t wait to explore and for others to explore.

Valerie Hannigan, Where the Dead Things Grow

There was once a frog. This frog danced and it sang. Screamed with joy at the top of its little lungs. Then one day a teacher handed a thirteen-year-old the frog and a scalpel. “Pin each part of the frog to a board,” the teacher said. The child excelled with ease. Working through the skin, the muscle, and the bones. Feeling nothing as they went. Dissecting until what was once a frog no longer resembled a frog. Kind of like that.

Edwin Edith Mirken, Fissure

Broken Thoughts

It’s been a minute…

Gave up more than I’m willing to admit
Pushed it away like it meant nothing
Lied to myself and wonder why I’m so fucked up
Liar, cheat, piece of shit
My anxiety starts right here with me
Gave away more of me then I’d like to admit
God can judge me and the devil can have me
Already knew I belonged to a worthless existence
Wish it wasn’t so easy to feel like this
Gave up so much already
How much more am I willing to give
After it is all said and done

Breaking up the moments of everyday life…

16 hours ago who knows where I was
But 16 hours from now I know exactly where I’ll be
Stuck here thinking about you again
Rotting brain but somehow it all seems okay
Even if the thoughts of murder, suicide, experimentation
Are deemed mildly insane
32 hours spent drowning you in your own blood
Was well worth the lack of sleep
Prison sentence, maybe not, maybe I never left
Always been locked inside my head
Sure it bothers you in some way
Completely normal
Doubt I’d ever do it, never know until you push
Not everything we think, we say
Can be normal in every way

The bitching becomes routine and only you know why…

Picking up the pieces that are left of my life
I’m not sure how much of it can be put back in place
Spent too long thinking there was no end in sight
Neglected everything around me
My friends, my family, everything but myself
Selfishness, who I am, who I’ve always been
Excuses I tell myself to justify my actions
Unforgiving and out of touch
The pieces slip through my hands
Trail of blood, a trail of pain, a stream of consciousness
All the little fears I tell myself to get by
Smash my head into place

Merch… Teespring… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Looking Deeper Into The Soul…

A Lie… A Novel… Out Now…

Where did this all begin? The hurt… the pain… the confusion… the lies…

“Everything is fine. Everything is how it is supposed to be. Lie to yourself long enough and everything will be fine. Right?” A lie is the story of where all this began. For one of us at least. Struggling through life during a time when nothing feels certain. Our hopeless character figures out what it means to survive when everything is taken away… Walks away… Goes away… How it feels or how it is? Trying to regain a sense of reality won’t be easy as everything comes closing in. As the depression comes settling in and the desperation grows.

Layne Ambrose holds nothing back as he explores themes of self-discovery and isolation in a day-to-day struggle with a town and life on the brink of collapse. Desperation can and does come from anywhere. Finding solace at the bottom of a bottle… and any substance to escape these new found feelings. A lie can only be stretched so far before the truth is exposed. What is real and what isn’t? When everything feels like a lie inside your head?

Available On Amazon… Kindle… Paperback…

All I Feel Is Pain…

All I Feel is Pain

Memories are nothing more than random bits of information processed at varies speeds. This is how I remember my childhood. It comes back to me in pieces as my head slams back into the ground. Lift and repeat. Lather, rinse, and dry. Blood runs throughout your body providing oxygen and nutrients to every cell. When blood gets into your eyes it provides nothing at all. Nothing more than pain. How does someone end up reliving all their horrible childhood memories on the cold pavement? I’m not really all that sure anymore.

Where did I go wrong? Politian’s, health-conscious assholes, leftist fascists would say it was when I smoked my first cigarette. Signed a one-way ticket to hell by today’s standards. God, would I kill for one right now. Just to feel the smoke hit the back of my throat and shoot down into my lungs would make all of this a little bit more bearable. I wonder what heroin would be like in this scenario. I wonder what food will taste like as my teeth fall to the ground. Will anything ever taste the same again or will it always taste like blood? I don’t think the iron, rust like taste will never leave my mouth. I always speak my mind maybe that’s how I ended up here. The more my head hits the ground the more I forget. In the end all we have are our memories. The good ones and the bad ones. Our memories are all we have. For some reason, the only memory that keeps popping up is the time I learned to tie my shoes. Maybe because when all is said and down here. I’ll never be able to do that again. Funny how after all of this something so significant won’t even matter. Too defiant anyway. Never really learned to tie my shoes. Found a way, but not the way I was taught. The memory still comes breaking through.

My stepmother left me in a chair all day with the same story that I could get up if I tied them the dumbass way, she showed me. With the bunny ears or something. The instructions are still lost on me, but the torture is clear. “If you tie your shoes we can go to the beach.” I used to love the beach. I used to love a lot of things. Too bad we were in the middle of fuck all Indiana where there is no such thing. She paraded around in a bathing suit and beach bag as if we would leave as soon as I miracle my shoes lace together. What kind of sick fuck does that to a child? The company you keep, I guess. Too defiant maybe that is how I ended up where I am. Too strong-willed and stubborn to tie my shoes. To listen to anyone else.

My head hurts so much that my face has gone numb. I’ve been trying to pick myself up, but my head feels as though it weighs too much. Leaning into the punches is didn’t helping any. I say lean but it is more of a sway. Confused by what it is I am even doing.  I’ve got nothing left. Everything I had was all used up before I even got here. A teacher once told me that you come into this world with nothing and you leave it with nothing. I can see her old wrinkled out face mouthing the words, but the world has gone silent. Gone away into the distance that is my existence. She was full of shit. You come into this world screaming and you leave it with pain. The constant that doesn’t let you forget. Can’t change much when your life flashes in and out of focus.

Can’t change much when you know you are going to die. Can’t take away the things that you have done as the last breath leaves. Can’t forget the time that you pissed on the street corner as the neighbor’s daughter watched. Can’t take back the punishment. The belt that struck over and over again. Not even the truth can set you free after it is all said and done. That she wanted you too. No, you are only left with the memories of a childhood you wish you could forget. Can’t change the time you climbed a tree you were told not to climb. Ended up in the hospital for not listening on that one. Should have stayed in the tree. Why didn’t I just stay in the tree? Can’t change the time you got a girl pregnant and waited in the abortion clinic waiting room. Scarred out of your mind, sad for the life you wasted, and too young to realize they are one in the same. No, none of that will ever change. Time can’t change after it is already past. Time can’t change after you’re dead. Your impressions, actions stay with those you’ve affected long after your gone. Actions speak louder than words yet the words of those around you in circle your every thought.

Don’t do this, do that, why do you got to be such a little shit, clean up your room already, have you been drinking, this is for your own good, tell me what happened, happy birthday, please take the dog out, win some and you lose some, thou shall not kill, I hate you, why couldn’t you have been better, clean your face, you disgust me, this is what you deserve, I love you. Some good and some bad they all flood in as if they should mean something, but they don’t. Is now really the time to reflect on all of this? Maybe I just wanted freedom. Maybe it was only love. Maybe it was both. I don’t know what anyone could ever want out of a world like this.

For some reason, they have stopped. Could be because I’ve stopped fighting? Maybe because they know it is already done? I can feel a smile come across my face as the hits start back up. Their anger in this world somehow more intense than my own. I want to laugh, but do I dare? I can still feel as though that all of this is some kind of prize at the end of a long game. The words aren’t clear in my head anymore. Here and gone. Trapped and freed. I feel cold yet warm. But all I really feel is pain.

Layne Ambrose

Looking Deeper Into The Soul…

A Lie… A Novel… Out Now…

Where did this all begin? The hurt… the pain… the confusion… the lies…

“Everything is fine. Everything is how it is supposed to be. Lie to yourself long enough and everything will be fine. Right?” A lie is the story of where all this began. For one of us at least. Struggling through life during a time when nothing feels certain. Our hopeless character figures out what it means to survive when everything is taken away… Walks away… Goes away… How it feels or how it is? Trying to regain a sense of reality won’t be easy as everything comes closing in. As the depression comes settling in and the desperation grows.

Layne Ambrose holds nothing back as he explores themes of self-discovery and isolation in a day-to-day struggle with a town and life on the brink of collapse. Desperation can and does come from anywhere. Finding solace at the bottom of a bottle… and any substance to escape these new found feelings. A lie can only be stretched so far before the truth is exposed. What is real and what isn’t? When everything feels like a lie inside your head?

Available On Amazon… Kindle… Paperback…

Something Different…

With Me

I can see every last thought you’d ever think
I live in your dreams though you call them nightmares
My thoughts are with you day and night
My blood moves you as though if to fight
Tomorrow a new day dawns
Yet another day for you and I
Teetering on the edge
How much control do you think you really command?
Let me out and I shall show you how to live
Let me go and I’ll erase everything you know
I am you and you are me
We say we are different
A lie we must believe
A lie which controls us through space and time
I can see your every thought
I live with you even if you have moved on
Death is but an idea
Withheld from the weak
There is no tomorrow
When you are with me

Merch… Teespring… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter