Broken Thoughts… I Need You To Guide Me There…

April 20, 2023 — Leave a comment

When the lord comes calling
Where will you stand amongst the rest?
On bended knees or somewhere else
Will you be shouting to the heavens
Or calling out to the great below?
A fire may rain down upon the world
A voice may call out amongst the filth
The sound of your echo spreads across the land
The Lord Jesus Christ
The Lord Lucifer
Whom have you given your life
When the lord comes calling know they will ask
Where will you rest among the dead?
Upon bended knees or somewhere else?
Just how you’ve always imagined all along

Willing to do whatever it takes… except with it takes…

Waiting for no reason at all
Listening to sad songs time forgot
No energy for anything else
Looking for the purpose to not feel
How I always seem to feel
That nothing but the end means anything
Head smashing against the concrete
Still feel the same. Negative and out of place
Cheering myself on to find the end
Rather than my place in all of this
Blood resting on the concrete
No more will to punish myself any further
Wanted more than this feeling locked in me
Up hill battle fought from within
There’s no winning if I just give in

A crow with flames for wings wants me dead… at least that’s what it said…

To the end of time
We will march and kill
March and kill
We will march and kill
March and kill
Not how I want it
Only how it is
It seems all we know
Is how to march and kill
March and kill
We will march and kill
March and kill

Broken Thoughts

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It is a day like any else… a day like the last… and a day that we have yet to live… It was a day… and today is that day…

Broken Thoughts… I Want To See The Sun…

April 18, 2023 — Leave a comment

Nothing can end the way it began
Nothing can begin the way that it ends
Endless servitude to an invisible hand
A life built on fate that doesn’t exist
Quiet voices guiding my way through destiny
Conflicting ideals running through my head
If it is than it isn’t
If it isn’t then it must be
So above as it is below
So it is but I don’t know
So below as above
A sad sung from long ago
Stories told forward and in reverse
Words stuck and lost in time
Let’s go bowling and pretend we aren’t dead
Back bone broken

Giving up on myself… was much easier than I thought…

Feeling dizzy inside my head
Can’t remember what’s already been said
Nothing of great importance I’m sure
Just more shit to slap against the wall
Sticks long enough I guess we can use it
Those are the rules or how I remember them
Like how forks belong to light sockets and
That there’s never a rainbow without a pot of gold
Feeling dizzy in my head all over again
Can’t remember what’s already been said
Nothing of great remembrance I’m sure
Regurgitate enough bullshit and a point is found
Say it enough times I guess we can use it
Those are the rules or how you remember them
Like how we belong to a society and
That this is supposed to mean something
Feeling dizzy inside my head
Can’t remember what’s already been said
Because they never seem to actually shut the fuck up
Long enough to see what it really is that we’ve found

A dream I can no longer survive…

Told you before… this would end poorly
Me at the end… of a rope…
I’m at the end of my noose
The one around my throat
The one you’ve been dragging me by
Wanted something better
All you deserved was me
A haunting vision of everything you can’t stand
Told you before… this would end deceitfully
Me at the end… holding the blade…
I’m cutting these ties that bind
Tethered to none of this anymore
Fuck off and farewell
Wanted something better
Everyone like you deserves to drown
In the tears and sweat of those you’ve wronged
The damned will inherit the earth
A grave is nothing more than a place to rest
Told you before… this would come to an end
Me at the end… standing over your grave
Someone had to put this twisted cycle to rest

Broken Thoughts

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Thoughts

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Hey did you know working sucks?… Well you do now… but it’s still better than doing nothing at all I guess… Any way who really cares?… I do… Let me know what you do to pass the time in the comments… best occupation might be included in a short story someday… You’d be surprised by what a lot of us do to pass the time… For instance… If you haven’t read Teething On Concrete… I work in a grocery store… and if you haven’t read Teething On Concrete or didn’t pick up on my deliberate title choice… I LOVE IT… With all my heart… Every minute there is nothing short of paradise…

That’s not really fair though… because if you have read Teething On Concrete… you’d know the title has nothing to do with work… If you haven’t checked out Teething On Concrete… It is a pretty solid mix of poems and short stories about life… It is a flip on the format of the Broken Thoughts Volumes… trading out Broken Thoughts for full length poems and concrete ideas… It also has a running narrative that isn’t based around horror… I mean there are some horrific things in there… but it’s not my fault life can be horrific at times… Still not convinced?… The first ten copies will be on sale this week… (Kindle Version)

Fun Broken Fact… I took this cover photo at work…

: )

With all of my heart…

Broken Thoughts… With Beds Under Bridges…

April 13, 2023 — Leave a comment

No one will ever find the bodies… I hope
I made sure of it this time… I believe
All you really need to know to move on
Is that I’m no longer hunger… satisfied at best
Not like before or maybe ever again
And it wasn’t three it was only the two
Important information when they come asking
Details they say will always do you in
Facts become weapons in the war of lies
Stop smiling… not everything can rhyme
Had to be done I suppose… I’ve been told
Depends on who you’ve been asking
My advice is to not ask me anything
Because I probably don’t agree… honestly
The evidence to the reason is too overwhelming
Something had to be done the voices said
Have been saying in this echo chamber… my head
Sweeping up the ashes of this society
Wasn’t going to be enough and I believe them
This time that is
Not like before or maybe ever again
Did what I had to do to get through
Might be time for you as well to decided
What is and what isn’t… best for you…

I dream… and I no longer know why…

With beds under bridges
Our homes could be anywhere
Constantly moving… perpetually
Endlessly nowhere at all
Freedom is not where you are
But where your mind has gone
Since you’ve last checked in
Mines gone from here to there
And back again… further than you thought
But not far enough in the scheme of things
Unstuck in time there’s really no place left to go
With beds on wheels they only seem to roll
Downhill… across the soul… but they don’t seem to go
Very far when they run out of fuel… unreliable
It is all very impractical I know… unreasonable
To believe from death to birth we’d ever get far
When life prefers the order of birth to death
The outcome though… I’m afraid… is the same…
Insert some warm thoughts…
Insert all the times we’ve been down…
Life is fun I guess… so long as… it levels out

Always remember God is watching… Got nothing better to do…

Lost and lonely… introverted thoughts
A disease… with no cure
Eating away at my attention
No longer know who to believe
A cycle… of words and lies
Wash away only to come back again
Everything moves in rhythms
While I drown standing still
No longer willing to paddle
Only drifting against my will
Lost and lonely… introverted ideas
A sickness… with no vaccination
Sucking up all my intentions
No longer know what to believe
A sequence… of arguments and reality

Broken Thoughts

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Thoughts

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No one was asking… and if they were I’d probably still say the same thing… The simplest of things is more complicated than we know… takes longer than we are willing to commit… and isn’t even what we thought it was to begin with…

This is a picture… again no one was asking… and I got tired of waiting…

Everything is a version of itself… from start to finish these things take more steps than a crooked staircase leading to nowhere… the ideas presented here and now… are no more finished then when they started out in my head… Not until they get printed… if they get printed… and even then… even after hours working each word into place… after formatting everything to fit the page… I’ll still be pissed that I never seemed to get it right… Finished or given up?… I can’t tell the difference…

I’ve started a Patron…

Please send all loose change… food scraps… and anything of equal or lesser value to what is found on this website… details in bio…

(Please refrain from sending souls… vials of blood… bodily fluids or anything of the like… The Post Office… Patron… 96.66% of Christians… aren’t into it… Trust me we are equally… if not more… disappointed by this…)

Tune in next week where I will be addressing ellipses and why I use them… It’s going to be riveting…

Broken Thoughts… With All My Scars…

April 6, 2023 — Leave a comment

Can’t escape this feeling trapped inside my head
Stabbing and digging until there’s nothing left
It hurts more than I can understand
Can’t escape this feeling like it will never end
Stabbing and digging until this is all that is left
Hurts more than I’m willing to submit
Can’t escape this feeling inside my head
Can’t escape this feeling that I want it to end…
With all my scars stabbing and digging
I don’t know how else to feel like me
Can’t escape this feeling this is who I am
Lies… twisting inside my head…
How I feel and what it is… two very different things
Can’t remember when I can’t forget
I’m only trying to live with my disease
Not give into it… these feelings in my head…

Well… they just didn’t know… If you never listen… you never will…

Walking down to the end of the line
Speaking in tongues to myself
Thought maybe I said something profound
Only repeating words I heard in my head
Marching along to the end of the line
Clearer at the edge than the beginning
Thought maybe I said something profound
Only repeating words I place in my head
Sprinting down to the end of the line
Step by step getting to where I’m going
Recalling memories of my times gone by
Seemed so much worse than it really was
Things seem so clear after they’re done
Crawling my way to the end of the line
Believed maybe I had said something profound
Only recalling words I knew in my head
Dragging my broken corpse across the finish line
Thought maybe I discovered a better way
Too late to take back what I couldn’t hear
This isn’t a race… it’s a fucking marathon…

We are probably not alone…

I’m going to have to ask you to leave
It is the only positive… polite thing to do
Staring into the dark the wood begins to rot
Waited here long enough… never bothered to show
Thank you again for showing me the way
I wasn’t hungry… but everything ends all the same
It is alarming how little you’ve seemed to notice
The children have all grown up… sleeping in their graves
Smile along as if you know the words to this song
A day gone by is a day already lived in my eyes
Adding them up doesn’t mean we’ve changed
Not tonight at least… not tomorrow if we’re lucky
It’s really hard to get that kind of money
Doesn’t make much sense if you’re asking me
What are we worth with all these broken bones?
When I’ll I’m really doing is trying to live
Left town too soon after… to find out what I found
Get some rest but know I won’t be check in later
Truth is I don’t miss you as much as I thought I would
It is the only positive… polite thing to say…
When there’s nothing left to replace this hole in me