Chained To The Floor… By My Own Will…

If I Only Knew

The panic begins as the thought creeps in
My own heartbeat driving everything
I’m so lost against the sound
I don’t even exist anymore
The feelings I once had I don’t have any more
I see myself slipping down further than I ever thought
Chained to the floor
By my own will
A deep dark hole carved into a home
If I only knew, how could I have known
Always give myself one more day
This life is the longest day I will ever know
And starting tomorrow I’ll only have to let go
My fears are only the will to live
If only I knew, If only I had known
My fears would fade away as the day goes on
Existence an excuse to peel myself from the floor
Depression pressed against the skin
If only I knew, If only I had known
Not sure I would have gone on this long
The voices don’t go away they only get louder
Against the heartbeat of what I have to say
If I only knew, How could I have ever known
This would have all become my home
A grave dug from my soul
Told myself I wouldn’t
Not sure I know the difference anymore

Broken Thoughts…

Staring into the mirror
Wondering why not
The blade pressed up against me
Not sure why lately I’m not
Anti-lobotomy
Driven crazy, fucked at the thought
Common sense doesn’t mean shit
Drowning in my own life
Suffocating at the thought
That all of this must keep going on

Where is the savior we’ve been waiting on?…

Who put me in charge of anything
God doesn’t have a sense of humor
Fuck off
Gave me my own thing to destroy
Said look
I fucked up but here is your chance
To do the same thing
A running joke, that makes no sense
Drinking to try and forget
What I was even trying to do
Slash the wrists long enough
Something is bound to happen
Parenting not that far off
Smashing my head against a wall
Just makes sense
At this point

Lost and it is just a thought

Dodging all the god damn knives
Finding my place in all this shit
Tortured, do this to myself
Smiling at the thought
What was the point all along?
Breathing to breathe
Living because I was told to
Always loved you
But what was the fucking point?
God or the devil does it matter?
When nothing has ever mattered
When nothing you’ve said
Has turned out how you promised
It’s all so pointless… the longer this goes on

Broken Thoughts

Chasing Ghosts… Broken Thoughts…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… Out Now…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… continues Ambrose’s dissection of self through short stories, poetry, and broken thoughts. Full of rage, passion, love, and understanding. Ambrose goes deeper than ever before chasing more than ghosts into the darkness.

Stories Exclusive to this Volume…

Awaken: Something has awoken through the haunting madness of nightmares. Something dark and sinister. A lifetime of struggle with demented images leads to one fateful night as the Church of the Abandoned come to reap what they have long sowed so many years ago. Expanding further into the cult that is the abandoned. When God calls upon you… How will you answer?

Dead Body Moving: Everything is going well. Better than well really. Only not everything on the surface is as it appears. On his way to run an errand for his job Ambrose will discover more than he bargained for in this twisted tale. The cost for a little peace of mind isn’t for everyone.

2 Days In the Sun: Stuck in the desert with nowhere to go Owen’s options aren’t looking good. Stay put and die in the unforgiving heat or walk the twenty miles to the nearest town under the same conditions. In this heat and a warm bottle of water Owen should be there in no time. Follow Owen as he mingles with the eclectic locals in his search for help.  

The Pale Girl: Early preview chapter to the forthcoming novel Blood Letter. In the early days of America something wicked this way comes. A beautiful and mysterious woman has arrived at the plantation and has sparked emotions never felt before in one of the inhabitants. Proving that even in the darkest of places love can blossom. Will this new found love be the end of her or the beginning of something more?

Available On Amazon… Kindle… Paperback…

Who knew getting clean would bring out your darker side? Getting clean may have brought out your darker side, but it also brought out another part of you. The part of you that loves and is loved by the few that are close to you. You’re still an abrasive asshole by nature, but there is another layer there now. You’ve entered a new era that I can’t wait to explore and for others to explore.

Valerie Hannigan, Where the Dead Things Grow

There was once a frog. This frog danced and it sang. Screamed with joy at the top of its little lungs. Then one day a teacher handed a thirteen-year-old the frog and a scalpel. “Pin each part of the frog to a board,” the teacher said. The child excelled with ease. Working through the skin, the muscle, and the bones. Feeling nothing as they went. Dissecting until what was once a frog no longer resembled a frog. Kind of like that.

Edwin Edith Mirken, Fissure

I enjoy the parts where you suffer the most. Nothing in this world brings me more pleasure than to watch you suffer, read about your suffering, and live a life where you suffer. I wish you the most suffering one human can manage. Suffer well.

Jonathan H. Heaney, A Return to January

Dictating An Existence That Doesn’t Exist… Call It Life…

Holiday In The Unknown

Waiting for your words
Waiting for anything
I’ve become bored
Staring at a wall isn’t for me
Thoughts come seeping back in

How I wish I was dead
That life is meaningless

They don’t mean much said only once
Over and over until they won’t leave my head?

How I wish I was dead
That life is meaningless

Distracted for a time
Thought the thoughts had left
I’ve always been wrong
This only proves it
Suffocating under the weight
Of a feeling I can’t escape

How I wish I was dead
That life is meaningless

Reminding me how not to forget
Over and over again

How I wish I was dead
That life is meaningless

Waiting for your words
Waiting for anything
I’ve become bored
Don’t think I’ll ever change
Thoughts never left me
Only distracted for a time

Reading all that they have to say
How I wish I was dead
This life is so meaningless

 

Chasing Ghosts… Broken Thoughts…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… Out Now…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… continues Ambrose’s dissection of self through short stories, poetry, and broken thoughts. Full of rage, passion, love, and understanding. Ambrose goes deeper than ever before chasing more than ghosts into the darkness.

Stories Exclusive to this Volume…

Awaken: Something has awoken through the haunting madness of nightmares. Something dark and sinister. A lifetime of struggle with demented images leads to one fateful night as the Church of the Abandoned come to reap what they have long sowed so many years ago. Expanding further into the cult that is the abandoned. When God calls upon you… How will you answer?

Dead Body Moving: Everything is going well. Better than well really. Only not everything on the surface is as it appears. On his way to run an errand for his job Ambrose will discover more than he bargained for in this twisted tale. The cost for a little peace of mind isn’t for everyone.

2 Days In the Sun: Stuck in the desert with nowhere to go Owen’s options aren’t looking good. Stay put and die in the unforgiving heat or walk the twenty miles to the nearest town under the same conditions. In this heat and a warm bottle of water Owen should be there in no time. Follow Owen as he mingles with the eclectic locals in his search for help.  

The Pale Girl: Early preview chapter to the forthcoming novel Blood Letter. In the early days of America something wicked this way comes. A beautiful and mysterious woman has arrived at the plantation and has sparked emotions never felt before in one of the inhabitants. Proving that even in the darkest of places love can blossom. Will this new found love be the end of her or the beginning of something more?

Available On Amazon… Kindle… Paperback…

Who knew getting clean would bring out your darker side? Getting clean may have brought out your darker side, but it also brought out another part of you. The part of you that loves and is loved by the few that are close to you. You’re still an abrasive asshole by nature, but there is another layer there now. You’ve entered a new era that I can’t wait to explore and for others to explore.

Valerie Hannigan, Where the Dead Things Grow

There was once a frog. This frog danced and it sang. Screamed with joy at the top of its little lungs. Then one day a teacher handed a thirteen-year-old the frog and a scalpel. “Pin each part of the frog to a board,” the teacher said. The child excelled with ease. Working through the skin, the muscle, and the bones. Feeling nothing as they went. Dissecting until what was once a frog no longer resembled a frog. Kind of like that.

Edwin Edith Mirken, Fissure

I enjoy the parts where you suffer the most. Nothing in this world brings me more pleasure than to watch you suffer, read about your suffering, and live a life where you suffer. I wish you the most suffering one human can manage. Suffer well.

Jonathan H. Heaney, A Return to January

A Lie… A Novel…

A Lie… A Novel… Out Now…

Where did this all begin? The hurt… the pain… the confusion… the lies…

“Everything is fine. Everything is how it is supposed to be. Lie to yourself long enough and everything will be fine. Right?” A lie is the story of where all this began. For one of us at least. Struggling through life during a time when nothing feels certain. Our hopeless character figures out what it means to survive when everything is taken away… Walks away… Goes away… How it feels or how it is? Trying to regain a sense of reality won’t be easy as everything comes closing in. As the depression comes settling in and the desperation grows.

Layne Ambrose holds nothing back as he explores themes of self-discovery and isolation in a day-to-day struggle with a town and life on the brink of collapse. Desperation can and does come from anywhere. Finding solace at the bottom of a bottle… and any substance to escape these new found feelings. A lie can only be stretched so far before the truth is exposed. What is real and what isn’t? When everything feels like a lie inside your head?

Available On Amazon… Kindle… Paperback…

“Not sure which part of the story hurts the most. Really took me for a ride that at times I wasn’t sure I wanted to go on, but knew I needed to. From start to finish I love how it all comes together with every twist and turn.”
Korbin Copy, Always Updating Never Improving

A Lie… A Novel…

A Lie… A Novel… Out Now…

Where did this all begin? The hurt… the pain… the confusion… the lies…

“Everything is fine. Everything is how it is supposed to be. Lie to yourself long enough and everything will be fine. Right?” A lie is the story of where all this began. For one of us at least. Struggling through life during a time when nothing feels certain. Our hopeless character figures out what it means to survive when everything is taken away… Walks away… Goes away… How it feels or how it is? Trying to regain a sense of reality won’t be easy as everything comes closing in. As the depression comes settling in and the desperation grows.

Layne Ambrose holds nothing back as he explores themes of self-discovery and isolation in a day-to-day struggle with a town and life on the brink of collapse. Desperation can and does come from anywhere. Finding solace at the bottom of a bottle… and any substance to escape these new found feelings. A lie can only be stretched so far before the truth is exposed. What is real and what isn’t? When everything feels like a lie inside your head?

Available On Amazon… Kindle… Paperback…

“Not sure which part of the story hurts the most. Really took me for a ride that at times I wasn’t sure I wanted to go on, but knew I needed to. From start to finish I love how it all comes together with every twist and turn.”
Korbin Copy, Always Updating Never Improving

Broken Thoughts… Still Swimming In Need…

Candles burning black and then red
The world wanted more so I gave what they demanded
An army of flesh, an army of broken bones and regret
Can you defeat what is already dead?
The fires rage on, with no one to put them out
Will they ever die?
Candles burning black and then red
Calling out for the devil, in pain
The world was never meant to work this way
Killing all of those people who stand in the way
Making a stand never meant anything
If I had a dream, buried it between blood and life

Writing is on par with shitting in the dark…

I don’t know what I did
But I’m sorry
People matter, people bleed
Give you whatever you need
I fucking concede
Scream, hit me, whatever it takes
I can’t stand this trapped feeling inside my head
I don’t know how it got, where it is
I don’t understand why you abandoned me

“Nothing is as perfect as we want it to be”…

Digging out my eyes
And wondering why
The past defines more than history
Where we’ve been, where we are going
How we die
Time tells more than what to run from
Chaos breeds order, order will drive you insane
A pattern of behavior
No one cared so no one asked why
We kill ourselves
So I’m dragging the lake
Looking for anyone left inside

“Destroy yourself if you will. A god doesn’t know when to quit”…

My heroes once said
“Who the fuck are you to question why?”
God doesn’t care
“What makes you so god damn special?”
Let this shit burn
Destroy, never question why
Give in, the devil was all there ever was
You are only as good
As all the things you despise
Chasing a dream and wondering why?
Chasing a fucking grave
All the things that make me go insane
Between heaven and hell rests a place
I have to call home

Broken Thoughts

Chasing Ghosts… Broken Thoughts…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… Out Now…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… continues Ambrose’s dissection of self through short stories, poetry, and broken thoughts. Full of rage, passion, love, and understanding. Ambrose goes deeper than ever before chasing more than ghosts into the darkness.

Stories Exclusive to this Volume…

Awaken: Something has awoken through the haunting madness of nightmares. Something dark and sinister. A lifetime of struggle with demented images leads to one fateful night as the Church of the Abandoned come to reap what they have long sowed so many years ago. Expanding further into the cult that is the abandoned. When God calls upon you… How will you answer?

Dead Body Moving: Everything is going well. Better than well really. Only not everything on the surface is as it appears. On his way to run an errand for his job Ambrose will discover more than he bargained for in this twisted tale. The cost for a little peace of mind isn’t for everyone.

2 Days In the Sun: Stuck in the desert with nowhere to go Owen’s options aren’t looking good. Stay put and die in the unforgiving heat or walk the twenty miles to the nearest town under the same conditions. In this heat and a warm bottle of water Owen should be there in no time. Follow Owen as he mingles with the eclectic locals in his search for help.  

The Pale Girl: Early preview chapter to the forthcoming novel Blood Letter. In the early days of America something wicked this way comes. A beautiful and mysterious woman has arrived at the plantation and has sparked emotions never felt before in one of the inhabitants. Proving that even in the darkest of places love can blossom. Will this new found love be the end of her or the beginning of something more?

Available On Amazon… Kindle… Paperback…

Who knew getting clean would bring out your darker side? Getting clean may have brought out your darker side, but it also brought out another part of you. The part of you that loves and is loved by the few that are close to you. You’re still an abrasive asshole by nature, but there is another layer there now. You’ve entered a new era that I can’t wait to explore and for others to explore.

Valerie Hannigan, Where the Dead Things Grow

There was once a frog. This frog danced and it sang. Screamed with joy at the top of its little lungs. Then one day a teacher handed a thirteen-year-old the frog and a scalpel. “Pin each part of the frog to a board,” the teacher said. The child excelled with ease. Working through the skin, the muscle, and the bones. Feeling nothing as they went. Dissecting until what was once a frog no longer resembled a frog. Kind of like that.

Edwin Edith Mirken, Fissure

I enjoy the parts where you suffer the most. Nothing in this world brings me more pleasure than to watch you suffer, read about your suffering, and live a life where you suffer. I wish you the most suffering one human can manage. Suffer well.

Jonathan H. Heaney, A Return to January

Chasing Ghosts… Broken Thoughts…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… Out Now…

Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… continues Ambrose’s dissection of self through short stories, poetry, and broken thoughts. Full of rage, passion, love, and understanding. Ambrose goes deeper than ever before chasing more than ghosts into the darkness.

Stories Exclusive to this Volume…

Awaken: Something has awoken through the haunting madness of nightmares. Something dark and sinister. A lifetime of struggle with demented images leads to one fateful night as the Church of the Abandoned come to reap what they have long sowed so many years ago. Expanding further into the cult that is the abandoned. When God calls upon you… How will you answer?

Dead Body Moving: Everything is going well. Better than well really. Only not everything on the surface is as it appears. On his way to run an errand for his job Ambrose will discover more than he bargained for in this twisted tale. The cost for a little peace of mind isn’t for everyone.

2 Days In the Sun: Stuck in the desert with nowhere to go Owen’s options aren’t looking good. Stay put and die in the unforgiving heat or walk the twenty miles to the nearest town under the same conditions. In this heat and a warm bottle of water Owen should be there in no time. Follow Owen as he mingles with the eclectic locals in his search for help.  

The Pale Girl: Early preview chapter to the forthcoming novel Blood Letter. In the early days of America something wicked this way comes. A beautiful and mysterious woman has arrived at the plantation and has sparked emotions never felt before in one of the inhabitants. Proving that even in the darkest of places love can blossom. Will this new found love be the end of her or the beginning of something more?

Available On Amazon… Kindle… Paperback…

Who knew getting clean would bring out your darker side? Getting clean may have brought out your darker side, but it also brought out another part of you. The part of you that loves and is loved by the few that are close to you. You’re still an abrasive asshole by nature, but there is another layer there now. You’ve entered a new era that I can’t wait to explore and for others to explore.

Valerie Hannigan, Where the Dead Things Grow

There was once a frog. This frog danced and it sang. Screamed with joy at the top of its little lungs. Then one day a teacher handed a thirteen-year-old the frog and a scalpel. “Pin each part of the frog to a board,” the teacher said. The child excelled with ease. Working through the skin, the muscle, and the bones. Feeling nothing as they went. Dissecting until what was once a frog no longer resembled a frog. Kind of like that.

Edwin Edith Mirken, Fissure

I enjoy the parts where you suffer the most. Nothing in this world brings me more pleasure than to watch you suffer, read about your suffering, and live a life where you suffer. I wish you the most suffering one human can manage. Suffer well.

Jonathan H. Heaney, A Return to January