The panic begins as the thought creeps in My own heartbeat driving everything I’m so lost against the sound I don’t even exist anymore The feelings I once had I don’t have any more I see myself slipping down further than I ever thought Chained to the floor By my own will A deep dark hole carved into a home If I only knew, how could I have known Always give myself one more day This life is the longest day I will ever know And starting tomorrow I’ll only have to let go My fears are only the will to live If only I knew, If only I had known My fears would fade away as the day goes on Existence an excuse to peel myself from the floor Depression pressed against the skin If only I knew, If only I had known Not sure I would have gone on this long The voices don’t go away they only get louder Against the heartbeat of what I have to say If I only knew, How could I have ever known This would have all become my home A grave dug from my soul Told myself I wouldn’t Not sure I know the difference anymore
Staring into the mirror Wondering why not The blade pressed up against me Not sure why lately I’m not Anti-lobotomy Driven crazy, fucked at the thought Common sense doesn’t mean shit Drowning in my own life Suffocating at the thought That all of this must keep going on
Where is the savior we’ve been waiting on?…
Who put me in charge of anything God doesn’t have a sense of humor Fuck off Gave me my own thing to destroy Said look I fucked up but here is your chance To do the same thing A running joke, that makes no sense Drinking to try and forget What I was even trying to do Slash the wrists long enough Something is bound to happen Parenting not that far off Smashing my head against a wall Just makes sense At this point
Lost and it is just a thought…
Dodging all the god damn knives Finding my place in all this shit Tortured, do this to myself Smiling at the thought What was the point all along? Breathing to breathe Living because I was told to Always loved you But what was the fucking point? God or the devil does it matter? When nothing has ever mattered When nothing you’ve said Has turned out how you promised It’s all so pointless… the longer this goes on
Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… continues Ambrose’s dissection of self through short stories, poetry, and broken thoughts. Full of rage, passion, love, and understanding. Ambrose goes deeper than ever before chasing more than ghosts into the darkness.
Stories Exclusive to this Volume…
Awaken: Something has awoken through the haunting madness of nightmares. Something dark and sinister. A lifetime of struggle with demented images leads to one fateful night as the Church of the Abandoned come to reap what they have long sowed so many years ago. Expanding further into the cult that is the abandoned. When God calls upon you… How will you answer?
Dead Body Moving: Everything is going well. Better than well really. Only not everything on the surface is as it appears. On his way to run an errand for his job Ambrose will discover more than he bargained for in this twisted tale. The cost for a little peace of mind isn’t for everyone.
2 Days In the Sun: Stuck in the desert with nowhere to go Owen’s options aren’t looking good. Stay put and die in the unforgiving heat or walk the twenty miles to the nearest town under the same conditions. In this heat and a warm bottle of water Owen should be there in no time. Follow Owen as he mingles with the eclectic locals in his search for help.
The Pale Girl: Early preview chapter to the forthcoming novel Blood Letter. In the early days of America something wicked this way comes. A beautiful and mysterious woman has arrived at the plantation and has sparked emotions never felt before in one of the inhabitants. Proving that even in the darkest of places love can blossom. Will this new found love be the end of her or the beginning of something more?
Who knew getting clean would bring out your darker side? Getting clean may have brought out your darker side, but it also brought out another part of you. The part of you that loves and is loved by the few that are close to you. You’re still an abrasive asshole by nature, but there is another layer there now. You’ve entered a new era that I can’t wait to explore and for others to explore.
Valerie Hannigan, Where the Dead Things Grow
There was once a frog. This frog danced and it sang. Screamed with joy at the top of its little lungs. Then one day a teacher handed a thirteen-year-old the frog and a scalpel. “Pin each part of the frog to a board,” the teacher said. The child excelled with ease. Working through the skin, the muscle, and the bones. Feeling nothing as they went. Dissecting until what was once a frog no longer resembled a frog. Kind of like that.
Edwin Edith Mirken, Fissure
I enjoy the parts where you suffer the most. Nothing in this world brings me more pleasure than to watch you suffer, read about your suffering, and live a life where you suffer. I wish you the most suffering one human can manage. Suffer well.
Waiting for your words Waiting for anything I’ve become bored Staring at a wall isn’t for me Thoughts come seeping back in
How I wish I was dead That life is meaningless
They don’t mean much said only once Over and over until they won’t leave my head?
How I wish I was dead That life is meaningless
Distracted for a time Thought the thoughts had left I’ve always been wrong This only proves it Suffocating under the weight Of a feeling I can’t escape
How I wish I was dead That life is meaningless
Reminding me how not to forget Over and over again
How I wish I was dead That life is meaningless
Waiting for your words Waiting for anything I’ve become bored Don’t think I’ll ever change Thoughts never left me Only distracted for a time
Reading all that they have to say How I wish I was dead This life is so meaningless
Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… continues Ambrose’s dissection of self through short stories, poetry, and broken thoughts. Full of rage, passion, love, and understanding. Ambrose goes deeper than ever before chasing more than ghosts into the darkness.
Stories Exclusive to this Volume…
Awaken: Something has awoken through the haunting madness of nightmares. Something dark and sinister. A lifetime of struggle with demented images leads to one fateful night as the Church of the Abandoned come to reap what they have long sowed so many years ago. Expanding further into the cult that is the abandoned. When God calls upon you… How will you answer?
Dead Body Moving: Everything is going well. Better than well really. Only not everything on the surface is as it appears. On his way to run an errand for his job Ambrose will discover more than he bargained for in this twisted tale. The cost for a little peace of mind isn’t for everyone.
2 Days In the Sun: Stuck in the desert with nowhere to go Owen’s options aren’t looking good. Stay put and die in the unforgiving heat or walk the twenty miles to the nearest town under the same conditions. In this heat and a warm bottle of water Owen should be there in no time. Follow Owen as he mingles with the eclectic locals in his search for help.
The Pale Girl: Early preview chapter to the forthcoming novel Blood Letter. In the early days of America something wicked this way comes. A beautiful and mysterious woman has arrived at the plantation and has sparked emotions never felt before in one of the inhabitants. Proving that even in the darkest of places love can blossom. Will this new found love be the end of her or the beginning of something more?
Who knew getting clean would bring out your darker side? Getting clean may have brought out your darker side, but it also brought out another part of you. The part of you that loves and is loved by the few that are close to you. You’re still an abrasive asshole by nature, but there is another layer there now. You’ve entered a new era that I can’t wait to explore and for others to explore.
Valerie Hannigan, Where the Dead Things Grow
There was once a frog. This frog danced and it sang. Screamed with joy at the top of its little lungs. Then one day a teacher handed a thirteen-year-old the frog and a scalpel. “Pin each part of the frog to a board,” the teacher said. The child excelled with ease. Working through the skin, the muscle, and the bones. Feeling nothing as they went. Dissecting until what was once a frog no longer resembled a frog. Kind of like that.
Edwin Edith Mirken, Fissure
I enjoy the parts where you suffer the most. Nothing in this world brings me more pleasure than to watch you suffer, read about your suffering, and live a life where you suffer. I wish you the most suffering one human can manage. Suffer well.
Where did this all begin? The hurt… the pain… the confusion… the lies…
“Everything is fine. Everything is how it is supposed to be. Lie to yourself long enough and everything will be fine. Right?” A lie is the story of where all this began. For one of us at least. Struggling through life during a time when nothing feels certain. Our hopeless character figures out what it means to survive when everything is taken away… Walks away… Goes away… How it feels or how it is? Trying to regain a sense of reality won’t be easy as everything comes closing in. As the depression comes settling in and the desperation grows.
Layne Ambrose holds nothing back as he explores themes of self-discovery and isolation in a day-to-day struggle with a town and life on the brink of collapse. Desperation can and does come from anywhere. Finding solace at the bottom of a bottle… and any substance to escape these new found feelings. A lie can only be stretched so far before the truth is exposed. What is real and what isn’t? When everything feels like a lie inside your head?
“Not sure which part of the story hurts the most. Really took me for a ride that at times I wasn’t sure I wanted to go on, but knew I needed to. From start to finish I love how it all comes together with every twist and turn.” Korbin Copy, Always Updating Never Improving
Where did this all begin? The hurt… the pain… the confusion… the lies…
“Everything is fine. Everything is how it is supposed to be. Lie to yourself long enough and everything will be fine. Right?” A lie is the story of where all this began. For one of us at least. Struggling through life during a time when nothing feels certain. Our hopeless character figures out what it means to survive when everything is taken away… Walks away… Goes away… How it feels or how it is? Trying to regain a sense of reality won’t be easy as everything comes closing in. As the depression comes settling in and the desperation grows.
Layne Ambrose holds nothing back as he explores themes of self-discovery and isolation in a day-to-day struggle with a town and life on the brink of collapse. Desperation can and does come from anywhere. Finding solace at the bottom of a bottle… and any substance to escape these new found feelings. A lie can only be stretched so far before the truth is exposed. What is real and what isn’t? When everything feels like a lie inside your head?
“Not sure which part of the story hurts the most. Really took me for a ride that at times I wasn’t sure I wanted to go on, but knew I needed to. From start to finish I love how it all comes together with every twist and turn.” Korbin Copy, Always Updating Never Improving
Candles burning black and then red The world wanted more so I gave what they demanded An army of flesh, an army of broken bones and regret Can you defeat what is already dead? The fires rage on, with no one to put them out Will they ever die? Candles burning black and then red Calling out for the devil, in pain The world was never meant to work this way Killing all of those people who stand in the way Making a stand never meant anything If I had a dream, buried it between blood and life
Writing is on par with shitting in the dark…
I don’t know what I did But I’m sorry People matter, people bleed Give you whatever you need I fucking concede Scream, hit me, whatever it takes I can’t stand this trapped feeling inside my head I don’t know how it got, where it is I don’t understand why you abandoned me
“Nothing is as perfect as we want it to be”…
Digging out my eyes And wondering why The past defines more than history Where we’ve been, where we are going How we die Time tells more than what to run from Chaos breeds order, order will drive you insane A pattern of behavior No one cared so no one asked why We kill ourselves So I’m dragging the lake Looking for anyone left inside
“Destroy yourself if you will. A god doesn’t know when to quit”…
My heroes once said “Who the fuck are you to question why?” God doesn’t care “What makes you so god damn special?” Let this shit burn Destroy, never question why Give in, the devil was all there ever was You are only as good As all the things you despise Chasing a dream and wondering why? Chasing a fucking grave All the things that make me go insane Between heaven and hell rests a place I have to call home
Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… continues Ambrose’s dissection of self through short stories, poetry, and broken thoughts. Full of rage, passion, love, and understanding. Ambrose goes deeper than ever before chasing more than ghosts into the darkness.
Stories Exclusive to this Volume…
Awaken: Something has awoken through the haunting madness of nightmares. Something dark and sinister. A lifetime of struggle with demented images leads to one fateful night as the Church of the Abandoned come to reap what they have long sowed so many years ago. Expanding further into the cult that is the abandoned. When God calls upon you… How will you answer?
Dead Body Moving: Everything is going well. Better than well really. Only not everything on the surface is as it appears. On his way to run an errand for his job Ambrose will discover more than he bargained for in this twisted tale. The cost for a little peace of mind isn’t for everyone.
2 Days In the Sun: Stuck in the desert with nowhere to go Owen’s options aren’t looking good. Stay put and die in the unforgiving heat or walk the twenty miles to the nearest town under the same conditions. In this heat and a warm bottle of water Owen should be there in no time. Follow Owen as he mingles with the eclectic locals in his search for help.
The Pale Girl: Early preview chapter to the forthcoming novel Blood Letter. In the early days of America something wicked this way comes. A beautiful and mysterious woman has arrived at the plantation and has sparked emotions never felt before in one of the inhabitants. Proving that even in the darkest of places love can blossom. Will this new found love be the end of her or the beginning of something more?
Who knew getting clean would bring out your darker side? Getting clean may have brought out your darker side, but it also brought out another part of you. The part of you that loves and is loved by the few that are close to you. You’re still an abrasive asshole by nature, but there is another layer there now. You’ve entered a new era that I can’t wait to explore and for others to explore.
Valerie Hannigan, Where the Dead Things Grow
There was once a frog. This frog danced and it sang. Screamed with joy at the top of its little lungs. Then one day a teacher handed a thirteen-year-old the frog and a scalpel. “Pin each part of the frog to a board,” the teacher said. The child excelled with ease. Working through the skin, the muscle, and the bones. Feeling nothing as they went. Dissecting until what was once a frog no longer resembled a frog. Kind of like that.
Edwin Edith Mirken, Fissure
I enjoy the parts where you suffer the most. Nothing in this world brings me more pleasure than to watch you suffer, read about your suffering, and live a life where you suffer. I wish you the most suffering one human can manage. Suffer well.
Broken Thoughts Vol. 3: Chasing Ghosts… continues Ambrose’s dissection of self through short stories, poetry, and broken thoughts. Full of rage, passion, love, and understanding. Ambrose goes deeper than ever before chasing more than ghosts into the darkness.
Stories Exclusive to this Volume…
Awaken: Something has awoken through the haunting madness of nightmares. Something dark and sinister. A lifetime of struggle with demented images leads to one fateful night as the Church of the Abandoned come to reap what they have long sowed so many years ago. Expanding further into the cult that is the abandoned. When God calls upon you… How will you answer?
Dead Body Moving: Everything is going well. Better than well really. Only not everything on the surface is as it appears. On his way to run an errand for his job Ambrose will discover more than he bargained for in this twisted tale. The cost for a little peace of mind isn’t for everyone.
2 Days In the Sun: Stuck in the desert with nowhere to go Owen’s options aren’t looking good. Stay put and die in the unforgiving heat or walk the twenty miles to the nearest town under the same conditions. In this heat and a warm bottle of water Owen should be there in no time. Follow Owen as he mingles with the eclectic locals in his search for help.
The Pale Girl: Early preview chapter to the forthcoming novel Blood Letter. In the early days of America something wicked this way comes. A beautiful and mysterious woman has arrived at the plantation and has sparked emotions never felt before in one of the inhabitants. Proving that even in the darkest of places love can blossom. Will this new found love be the end of her or the beginning of something more?
Who knew getting clean would bring out your darker side? Getting clean may have brought out your darker side, but it also brought out another part of you. The part of you that loves and is loved by the few that are close to you. You’re still an abrasive asshole by nature, but there is another layer there now. You’ve entered a new era that I can’t wait to explore and for others to explore.
Valerie Hannigan, Where the Dead Things Grow
There was once a frog. This frog danced and it sang. Screamed with joy at the top of its little lungs. Then one day a teacher handed a thirteen-year-old the frog and a scalpel. “Pin each part of the frog to a board,” the teacher said. The child excelled with ease. Working through the skin, the muscle, and the bones. Feeling nothing as they went. Dissecting until what was once a frog no longer resembled a frog. Kind of like that.
Edwin Edith Mirken, Fissure
I enjoy the parts where you suffer the most. Nothing in this world brings me more pleasure than to watch you suffer, read about your suffering, and live a life where you suffer. I wish you the most suffering one human can manage. Suffer well.
Is That A Funeral? 