Broken Thoughts… Swinging For The Fences…

What the fuck am I even doing
Digging ditches called memories
It’s all pointless so why
Do I feel the need to cry
The reason to breath, fucking seething
Unhappy and I don’t know why
Pointless, but here we go
Another day waking and waiting
Here we go another day
Believing everything will be fine
Here we go one more fucking day
Feeling like this

Clapping along to a death song…

Gearing up for the ass fuck of the century
A daily grind one upped every night
(Takes a bow)
Go ahead and smile

Really I don’t care

“America’s problem is that we are so afraid of outside forces that we forget we are the outside force”…

Your insecurities rub up against me
A broken down thought, in need of a lobotomy
Toxic nervousness that surrounds us all
Thought provoking image drench in tears
Worldliness verbiage that makes no sense
You’ve gone and turned my mind inside out
Once again, tell me how much it hurts
Not sure I understand the words

Broken Thoughts

 

Inspired By….

The Devil Within

Tearing through my flesh
Can’t tell what is left
Dead or alive
Fucking kill it
Doesn’t matter anymore
Screaming in the dark
Take me with you
Drown within a dream, a nightmare
Suffocating
The scars were never meant to be seen
Cracking
Hating all of this
A life I thought I had to live
Destroying everything
Smashed against my skin
I have and always will
Drown myself from within
Thought you knew me
Didn’t know shit
A decision I have to fucking live with
Smile, because this was always for you
Turning over in my grave
Even in death I couldn’t sleep
Fuck me, all the same
Keep on living just to be me
Closing my eyes
I knew there would never be peace
Smiling even as a dead man in a grave
Home is where my heart has always been
A tomb, a grave, everything I need it to be
Miss the way things used to be
Isolation was only a thought that I bothered
Give you even more
If you could show me what it is I truly need
A hug from the one I adore
Wasted too much time
On selfish needs
Punish me some more
Give me all that I deserve

Broken Thoughts…

Staring into the mirror
Wondering why not
The blade pressed up against me
Not sure why lately I’m not
Anti-lobotomy
Driven crazy, fucked at the thought
Common sense doesn’t mean shit
Drowning in my own life
Suffocating at the thought
That all of this must keep going on

Where is the savior we’ve been waiting on?…

Who put me in charge of anything
God doesn’t have a sense of humor
Fuck off
Gave me my own thing to destroy
Said look
I fucked up but here is your chance
To do the same thing
A running joke, that makes no sense
Drinking to try and forget
What I was even trying to do
Slash the wrists long enough
Something is bound to happen
Parenting not that far off
Smashing my head against a wall
Just makes sense
At this point

Lost and it is just a thought

Dodging all the god damn knives
Finding my place in all this shit
Tortured, do this to myself
Smiling at the thought
What was the point all along?
Breathing to breathe
Living because I was told to
Always loved you
But what was the fucking point?
God or the devil does it matter?
When nothing has ever mattered
When nothing you’ve said
Has turned out how you promised
It’s all so pointless… the longer this goes on

Broken Thoughts

Broken Thoughts… Breaking Down The Forever Circus…

The sadness sinks in
A world with no reason
Broken hearted, left wondering
How much time is left 
To destroy

The truth is more than I can describe…

Drinking a death wish left to employ
I’d take you all if it means happiness
Selfish, I’ve always known why
So much easier to take away
Then live this shit day to day
Still hanging on anyway
Raise my glass we’re in this together now
Happiness has always been nothing more than
A thought

Who I am with no reason why?…

Emotions come and go away
Words are easy to say
Live?, another question to be asked
Who was I in all this madness
Miss you more than I forgot
They say so many things
They lie to tell the truth
What’s the reason, no reason why
Call it life, call it what you will
Doesn’t matter, how it is to die
Words spell out my life
Words say so much and then we die
Choking on so many things
The mind keeps going
An empty feeling of nothingness
Wasted gift, no one has ever listened
Swing and thinking
None of this even matters

“Life doesn’t make sense. Madness? Well… you tell me.”
Cooper Jones, No One Ever Said This Was Free

Broken Thoughts

Bright Blue And Shimmering…

What do you say with a million lives to say it? What do you do with a million days to do it? An endless array of endlessness that accumulates into a pool of endless ocean. A fully powered and operational confusion ray shown across a thousand skies would still not explain all the confusion I feel inside. The isolation of all the knowledge that needs to be said greatly increases the feelings closing in on me. The pages have become displayed on the walls. Three layers thick and making no sense at all. The words bleed together like poetry at first. But after long consideration the words really don’t mean anything do they? Turn the page. Start again. See what comes out and in the end find no solace at all. What is the meaning of this madness? What is a lifetime spelled out in words?

I pace the room once again. Careful to not knock over the stacks. The pages that could not fit on the wall without nails. Hammer and blood. Zig zagging through future trash. The trash that riddles my mind. Have I said all that I mean or mean what I’ve said at all? The words trickle out like a stream that will one day be a waterfall. A tiny hole in my head that won’t stop leaking. The thoughts become dizzying.  Dazed and consumed by all the words. I bump one of the stacks carelessly. It cascades threw out the room like a great wave off the coast of some mystical land shrouded in white. It blends and bends its will to all the other stacks piled up across the land. I stand in a sea of words, an ocean of thought. Even as I stare at each one. Remembering each pen stroke for what it was once worth. I can think of no meaning. No cause to add to this madness I have chosen to live in.

Stare at each word. Each letter spelling out syllables and sounds. Meaning escapes me along with the thoughts. Every passing moment descends further into nothing at all. The depths from under my skin. Flesh and blood. Meat without a taste. I can hear words as they echo out of the screams. Words played against a black screen. Images played to the silence of it all. A hollow sound that repeats. Blood drops, drops from somewhere though I am unsure where. A stream of red. A clue left behind? A whooshing sound blocks out the silence of thought. The blood pumps harder and faster within my head. Drip, drip. I can’t hear the noise. I can only feel it as I follow the trail. In circles I spin. Brushing up against the scattered pages of my mind. My bare legs chewed up amongst the pages. My blood brings new life to the words. Washing away letter for letter. Ideas for idea. Lost to the soul and pouring out of my head. A war fought bloody and hard. I continue to circle around the words like a vulture circles a dead carcass. I will find an answer to all this madness.

I haven’t showered in days. Maybe it has been weeks for all that I know. The new words keep pouring out all around me. The body riddled with sharp pains. I fear that I have become sick amongst the stacks. To quit now would mean that I should have never started at all. I’ve long since run out of paper. Resorting to writing on scraps and bits of blood soaked left overs. I have lost track of where this is all going, but did I ever know? Follow the words. Follow the thoughts. Ideas set us free. Ideas separate the man from the beast. It is all here. Word for word. On display for any one with the time.

“A lost generation hoping for something to happen with the littlest effort at all. We all want to be millionaires, but no one has the heart to tell us that it won’t happen. No one has the heart to tell us shit.” Words cut out of my very chest. A pound of flesh I once called a heart. “They are all too scared, too afraid we’ll go shooting up the place. Our fragile minds can’t take the simplest of heart breaks. They fear that our trigger happy, unsympathetic, systematic minds with snap, and they are right for all the wrong reasons.” Man before the beast. Beast before the man. The call for blood of the innocent. The lives of a thousand sons and daughters. Is this not the calling of man? “Fear is nothing more than power. Fear is a manipulative tool used to take over the mind. They… us… the fear of it all to keep control. Governments, kingdoms, religion, and lies use the same tactics. Fear of the fear to keep control. Place in time. Fear equals control and control is fear. An impasse of conflicted ideas that have worked all too well.”

Fitting in as the skin covers my mouth. Embraced by the society that birthed me. “A stabbed out swollen eye of infected corneas lathered so thick with bullshit that all we see is darkness. What about what is next? What happens in the end if no one stands up to the fleeting masses? The controls left in the hands of children. Evolution dictates that a change will cause adaptation to the original species. A rift will develop, slowly filling up with the lost illusion we once held.” Truth written in blood and disguised by lies of the mind. How could they ever lose control? More like they are hidden amongst us like weeds that grow from the shit stuck in our eyes. “A river of deceit with a sediment so rich lies will grow like wild flowers amongst what is left of the masses. One could only hope. Giant man powered robots will reign supreme amongst the rubble of civilization. One great civilization shall rise from the ashes of our mistakes and in the end all the right will be wronged and all wrongs shall be righted.” A prophecy fore told in the shadows of the moon light on scrapped bits of stained paper. Cover the light with words and turn it off. I see your face… bright, blue, and shimmering within my eyes.

Layne Ambrose

Broken Thoughts… Still Swimming In Need…

Candles burning black and then red
The world wanted more so I gave what they demanded
An army of flesh, an army of broken bones and regret
Can you defeat what is already dead?
The fires rage on, with no one to put them out
Will they ever die?
Candles burning black and then red
Calling out for the devil, in pain
The world was never meant to work this way
Killing all of those people who stand in the way
Making a stand never meant anything
If I had a dream, buried it between blood and life

Writing is on par with shitting in the dark…

I don’t know what I did
But I’m sorry
People matter, people bleed
Give you whatever you need
I fucking concede
Scream, hit me, whatever it takes
I can’t stand this trapped feeling inside my head
I don’t know how it got, where it is
I don’t understand why you abandoned me

“Nothing is as perfect as we want it to be”…

Digging out my eyes
And wondering why
The past defines more than history
Where we’ve been, where we are going
How we die
Time tells more than what to run from
Chaos breeds order, order will drive you insane
A pattern of behavior
No one cared so no one asked why
We kill ourselves
So I’m dragging the lake
Looking for anyone left inside

“Destroy yourself if you will. A god doesn’t know when to quit”…

My heroes once said
“Who the fuck are you to question why?”
God doesn’t care
“What makes you so god damn special?”
Let this shit burn
Destroy, never question why
Give in, the devil was all there ever was
You are only as good
As all the things you despise
Chasing a dream and wondering why?
Chasing a fucking grave
All the things that make me go insane
Between heaven and hell rests a place
I have to call home

Broken Thoughts

Walking Through The Lake Of Fire…

Staring Into Your Eyes

Nothing is taking this feeling away
Painful reminder I’m not who I thought I was
An example that you never did
Love me like you said you did
A lie, a waste of time
How can I really still feel this way
Nothing adds up to anything
Looking around, living the lie
See everything now
Rip out my eyes if I could
Memories still buried deep in my mind
Clearly something is wrong with me
Too stupid to see past my own stupidity
Love is a lie and I’m living it all the time
Excuses don’t mean the same
Reasons for why
Grinding out the thoughts
None of these seems real
Where does the truth begin
And the rest of this end
In you

Broken Thoughts… Best Part Of The Day…

So stupid and simple
Seems pointless to even mention
I wanted all of this, no, needed maybe
The cuts they sting and the skin itches
Who am I without the pain
Don’t think I will ever know 
Ever understand
Until the end
So simple and sad
To think that this was all there ever was

Never wanted any of this… all I have is what I’ve got…

A girl already knows it
How much more of this I can take
Broken down and left for dead
A woman already knows
How much more of this I can take
Plotting and planning the revenge

A redemption no one knows…

Dark and lonely is the night
Keeping time with the halogen lights in the sky
No sleep for three more days
Lost my mind, did it to myself
Hearing voices in the night
Scarring myself against the light
Broken bones and burned out lungs
They call me to come closer
Hidden in the darkness
The chanting never leaves my mind
What is it that I have become
A monster, a singular being of existence
Tell myself all will be okay
But what is it that I’ve known all along
Digging deeper, their voices become silent
Eventually they all leave me
Leave me alone to deal with myself

Too bad the meaning was worthless…

Breaking my spirit for nothing to gain
How it must feel to be like you
Where does one go to become like you
Dragging my feet through hell
Because I have nothing else to do
Savoring every moment of this drawn out death
Blacken lung you’ve taken out all the fun
Breaking the chain that binds me to you
One long umbilical cord straight to the heart
Taken enough abuse to last a lifetime in this place

Broken Thoughts

Waiting For Everything In Reverse…

In Reverse Things Seem Strange

I feel sick today but not insane
My convictions are stronger than my will
Makes sense if you could be me for a moment
You’d understand then of course
Probably not but that’s okay
No one knows what it’s like to be anything
Too much confusion in the giant fish bowl
We are all pets, barely house broken
We label ourselves man but animal is much more fitting
Examine each thought as though it means something
Sometimes I like to say stupid shit
Without meaning or verbs
I prefer nothing over some things
But sometimes nothing is never enough
Wish I knew when enough was enough
What it meant to mean to be human
And I could walk away
We all have our cross to bare
But I feel mine is an absolute
A never ending revelation in my mind
Crucify me, nothing else to do tonight
I can’t stop you from doing what you are willing to do
Think in so many ways I might be ready
The pain might refresh my thoughts
Reprise, I feel sick today but not insane

 

Lips Turning Blue… Again…

Oroblram

I’m lost and going in circles
Never left this spot
Yet here I’m not
I’d give you what I know
But I know so little
I’m afraid it won’t do
Tomorrow though if I’m not dead
Past tense of course
Words are forever
Etched into our skin
Actions only a second
Recorded for all the see
Worth and concern
The two don’t ever change
Which is worth more to you
Here is my advice
Fuck off and see what happens
Working out just fine
Masturbating is the best sex you’ll ever have
Yet you still try to fuck everything that moves
Humanity at its finest
Haven’t you heard
We’ve got another day at the most
Secrets been out for centuries
Turns out none of it mattered
All the stress, the fear, the life, the death
Built upon an altar, built in the mind
I’m lost and going in circles
Spinning deeper and deeper
All of this I’ve done for you
Promise me you understand
Promise you know this too
You’ve always known
Hidden thoughts, hidden words
For my protection kept me hidden away
You’re welcome