Broken Thoughts…

Confliction of thought
Dismissal of war
We go at each other as if there is nothing left
Destroy what isn’t yours, hearts
Destroy everything we think you care for, homes
Destroy ourselves in the process
Not the thought
Driving against the weak
Grinding it out without a second thought

Staying silent seems to be the only way… 

How is it that some people can get away with so much shit?
Yet I need a saddle so they can ride me into the ground
I’m so sick of this place
So sick of being here
An insane asylum with big red letters

Even though you know it is wrong…

Bleeding out, slowly bleeding off
They want so much, yet nothing at all
I can’t let go of all my thoughts
Big or small they all run on
How is it that some people can just move on with so much shit?
Yet I have to carry it all the way to the grave
I’m so sick of this identity
So sick of being me
Nothing is ever enough and they’ll take it all…

Broken Thoughts

Mixed bag of thoughts this week… patched together set of emotions… letting the words breathe… letting the words do the talking this week…

Merch… Teespring… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Broken Thoughts…

Locked inside my head with nothing to say
The bugs dance beside my lifeless corpse
Pulling bits of paper from my soul
More scraps to add to the shit pile
How long can I drag this feeling out?
A lifetime surrounded by borrowed time
The darkness sinks its dirty fangs into my neck
Reminding me I’ve always been this way
A denial twist loaded with truth
The ashes pile up as each breath takes my life
Digging my own grave with a smile
See you when I get there
See you later if you’re lucky
Can’t take what  you don’t own
If your soul is for sale
I guess you won’t be taking that either
She won’t stop saying things that she doesn’t believe in
Spreading lies fortified in her head

Have you not been paying attention…

A lost day filled with silence and loathing
Taking out my frustrations on an empty soul
Taking in everything I think I deserve
Time has a way of taking everything
Not sure any of this is even real anymore
An isolation covers my walls
A desperation fills my heart
A broken thought is all I know
Poisoning the well
Inhaling the disgust
How I wish
How I hope
That you are well
A lie that I believe in
A faith that can discuss
And all of this

Don’t think about it…

Every last thing
Is all that I know
A slow death without any pain
A choking feeling and no regrets
And they told me I was fine
Nailing myself to the cross
Bringing myself to my knees
How I wish
How I hope
That you are well
A truth that I don’t believe in
A rationalization locked in your head
And all of this
Is only how it feels

Broken Thoughts

In case you were wondering I’m having a great day… Life keeps piling on the bull shit… but I just keep smiling… because who really gives a fuck?… immature… at times we all are… I have no faith in anything… but they say that the Lord gives us as much as we can handle… If she could stop… that would be awesome… if she doesn’t that’s cool too… Take each day for what it is worth… 

We sell our souls at these fine establishments… Teespring and Amazon…  Support Independent Press… well just read… reading is important… but I hope if you got this far… you already know that… A book a day… brings the crazies closer to the frame… 

Merch… Teespring… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Broken Thoughts…

The signs were there all along
Lighting the way for the climax
Illuminating the inevitable fall
Who does this to them, to ourselves
Statistically speaking one and the same
Reality couldn’t be any further apart
Looked so good on paper
It had to work at least once
What could all this really mean
To someone who doesn’t care
I gave up but we took turns
Statistically speaking one or both should be dead by now
Still fucking breathing in all the pain
Still thinking about all the shit never said
If we can’t be honest then why worry about the truth?
Inhuman to think this all began with a bunch of lies
Written down in tiny font, thin paper flapping in the wind
Against the sands of time nothing can last
But everything will be fine

Give in is to die but I’ve been dead for so long…

65 pages on the same thought
Six albums and I’ve already forgot
Therapy couldn’t be any simpler
If only it had worked the first time
Revisiting the same sad thoughts
That makes me so fucked up
Dancing with the devil couldn’t release these demons
Gods warm embrace hasn’t done much to subside the pain
Out of options and ways to say
I can’t stand the fact that you exist
So I’ll see you there
Pretend to not care but I always will
No matter how much I stab at the thoughts
Burn them down and piss on the ashes
They will still be there, we will still be here

Like memories burning in the sun…

Spoke the words, told you once before
Each little thought isn’t a metaphor
So worried about me, but not yourself
Blind, too blind to see the real hurt
Deaf, too deaf to hear the real words
Soft spoken and I know it hurt long before
Each little syllable even made a noise
So worried about you, but not myself
Numb, too numb to feel the real pain
Bland, too bland to taste the real thoughts
Pulling the strings tighter
Until I could never see, hear, touch, or taste
Ever again

Broken Thoughts

tick… tick… ticking right on by… locked in this stupid mask… stuck between the space between the skin and the leather… gets lonely in here at times… beads of sweat dripping down… the smell only grows worse… but there is no better place to call home… think things could be better… could be worse… or they could always be the same… at least for at least sake… things could be… trying to remember why it is that I keep going… while thinking of every reason to call it quits… stuck somewhere in between… the skin and the razorblade… time is only tick… tick… ticking by…

Merch… Teespring… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Broken Thoughts…

My hands are callus and soaked in blood
Quitting isn’t what it used to be
Walking away isn’t a train of thought
It’s an action that weighs more than itself
The words so heavy
They don’t come out right
Nothing comes out right anymore
Each thought is loaded with regret
Forced out by a will to keep going
God I fucking hate every God damn thing
Does that make sense or are we only confused
If I could I would but I couldn’t so I didn’t
Have too much responsibility now
Makes more sense if you know
I care more than I pretend to let on

Smile and act natural…

“The one with the Indian on it.”

“I think they prefer Native American.”

“I think they’d prefer if we gave them their land back. But in the meantime, the one with the cartoon Indian will do just fine.”

The lights all burned out…

Chasing our demons step by step
But how long do we keep doing this
To the end, to an end
A line has been drawn long before
Not another step to take and yet
See plenty of space to keep on going
Is this the end or only the begin of something
That couldn’t possibly be understood?
Gave more of myself then I’d like to admit
So I won’t and you’ll think I don’t give a shit
Because I don’t even when I do
Wanted more, wanted less, all I want is what I got
A feeling that can’t last forever but I’ll keep searching
So here’s to you, here’s to me, here’s to fucking everything
Resting in my head and what we can see through closed eyes

A fractured reality of what I have to deal with every day… stretched out over years… you think that I’m not listening… you believe me when I say that I am not… but really I’m taking it all in… absorbing every useless thought… stabbing myself with the idea that I am better than you… I’m more you than you will ever be me…  I’m nothing more than what time forgot… lurking in the shadows… standing next to you at every turn… don’t look because I’m staring… smile because I know I will… “Is there anything I can help you find?”… 

Merch… Teespring… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

Broken Thoughts… Without Me…

I gave it all up for this?
These feelings don’t subside
These feelings grow deeper
Slip into the cracks of my broken heart
Give it another year
Give me a whole lifetime
Waste it once again
If I could do it over
So unsure if I would
Life gets easier with time
Because the will to live
Goes with it
Gave up my soul for something I don’t know
Want It back but I’m so unsure

.Worth barely more than worthless…

At this point, it might just be best to die
A world without me may be the best
Thing for you
Not going to stop until it’s all destroyed
I’ve got some shit to say
You bring out the best in me
Only reason you’re still breathing
You bring out the motivation in me
Only reason you’re still living

Turning all the lies into regret…

I can feel your eyes
Yet you’re not here
Feel your fingers tightening
Around my throat and I’m
Starting to, to think this is all okay
I’m starting to think I never had a say
Starting to believe all is not well
I could go on but by now
The point should be more than clear
Each breath you take is a knife
Every thought a bullet hole
Ripping through my body
Shatter, broken, set my body on fire
Leave me to die already
Can’t commit to something so sinister
Torture so much more humane
Sadistic and satisfying
My breathing becomes shallow
Your smile from ear to ear
If only, if only the world would disappear
My displeasure could go too
Still alive, has to be a reason
So fuck it, let it go
Before you kill me
Drown me in this world

Broken Thoughts

This weeks theme was work and society… society and work?… working on society?… working on myself in the realm of society?… I’m going to have to sit and think about this for a while… 

Merch… Teespring… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter

There wasn’t enough blood in this post…

Gasping for the Air that Surrounds Me…

Ark

The darkness surrounds me
As the rain falls down

Over the sky, blood drips down
Signaling only death
I hope you all drown
I hope someday you are found
Bleed me slowly and see
If I’m still alive
You all said I was crazy

Said I didn’t know anything
A child with adult eyes

The cuts they hurt
More in the beginning
Stones casted out, words with so much meaning
What was the point if not intended to hurt

Time has a way of healing broken wounds
Time has a way to make it go away
All of this all over again
Clairvoyant even in the womb
Because I know
I’ve always known
How all of this ends

Gather around, get to together
Pick and choose
But you should know
Not all of you
None of you will be
Here when it is all through
An endless time born to repeat
A drowning, a rebirth, a life destined to live
Born to be who we were always going to be
Keep destroying, keep hurting, keep doing it all
Free will was never a choice
Only a way of life
I never saved anything only kept it going
God spoke to me and I chose

Merch… Teespring… Books… Amazon… Broken Thoughts… Twitter