Always Going To Wonder

“Do you ever think about reincarnation?”

“In what sense?”

“Maybe we are the reincarnation of our ancestors. So, really we are only living our lives over and over like a messed-up version of purgatory.”

“That would mean there is only a set number of people in existence I’m not even sure how that would work. Given that the number of people on the planet isn’t a constant.”

“Maybe more people are just getting a chance to live?”

“Sure, I guess but why? Why now is God or whatever allowing more people to live?”

“Because things are better than they were?”

“Are they though? If anything, things are only worse and getting worse,” she points out. The silence between them comes flooding back in. “What if you never have kids or can’t? What then your family line ends?”

“Then your family line ends I guess.”

“Okay, where do the extra people come from if there is only a set number of us to jump back in?”

“I don’t know. Okay let’s say that if your family line ends then you join another family somewhere else and start over. That could be where the idea of soul mates comes from. They are looking to find their lost family.”

“I think that the idea of soul mates is dumb enough on its own let alone to be part of your crazy theory.  Honestly it seems like you are pulling this whole thing out of your ass.”

“A theory by any other name,” a long pause. “Okay, but I’m just saying it could be part of it. It doesn’t have to be the end all be all of life, but it could be. Would explain our inherit need to multiply. Each birth is another chance bring someone back to life.”

“What if you die as a child? How is that fair? Within your theory they didn’t get to enjoy a full life or search for their soul mate. They barely got a chance to do anything. What happens to them then?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. You brought it up and now we have to talk about it. I know you are thinking about it.”

“I wasn’t thinking about it.”

“Where else could your theory have come from?”

“I’ll admit it was strange that we tried for so long and it wasn’t until my grandmother passed that our daughter was born. I was thinking about that.”

“So, you think that our daughter contained the soul of your dead grandmother?”

“Well, I don’t think this I’ve only just thought of this because you asked.”

“If our daughter was your grandmother than why?” She pauses trying to keep it together. “Why isn’t she here anymore? She never did anything wrong or hurtful to anyone. Why wasn’t she given more time?”

“I don’t know.”

Valerie Hannigan

For me this is fiction. I have never lost a child, but I can’t say that I have never thought about it. I can’t say that it isn’t a fear either. When I started the story, I wasn’t even thinking about it. Probably had ten million other thoughts on my mind. As my children screamed that they wanted more juice, more food, more of my time, and more of my patience. Then the idea of reincarnation and coming back as something else came into my mind. I’m not sure why, but the desire to be anything else became overwhelming. That is what I wanted to explore.

Maybe, I will go back and explore that idea some other time. Sometimes though we start off wanting to write about one thing and the story takes us someplace else. Some places darker than even we would like. I thought about going into more details and really driving the point home, but I’m not really sure I wanted to go there. Not today at least. I also wanted to push myself to write a story that didn’t contain a setting or a reason for existing. Ambrose calls these passing moment stories. Stories or ideas that are interesting, but don’t go anywhere further.

Writing for the internet is much different than writing for other media. It is about right here right now. Cut to the heart and throw away the rest. I can’t say that I enjoy it more or less. This style is not my preferred way of getting an idea across. I’ll probably never write a story in this format again. With that I am happy with the way it turned out. The story said what it needed to say and so did I.

When She Finishes a Book… We Will Promote It…

Fuck off.

Until Then We Do Have Other Things…

Nothing with my name on it.

Check Them Out Here and Here

I refuse to be ignored.


Retouching On Bad Memories

People get way too hyped up over these fucking holidays. They are made up, by us no less, they do not matter, so take the dildo stuck up your ass and pull it down a notch. Working in a grocery store is insanity on high. There is a holiday every fucking month and yet still every one of the top ass lickers loses their god damn minds. Collectively their heads begin to explode in their anal cavities and the shit flows down all over me. They act as if this is the big one. This one day out of the whole year will pay for every other day forever. They act as if no one will ever eat again after today.

Maybe if the world ends than people might have to stop eating, but you will be dead and so will I… So, who gives a shit? Even if the economy completely collapses, we will still be here handing out the rations before the raiders take over. Still plenty of time to make a dollar or two for doing nothing at all. Fact… People will still show up long after the bombs have dropped, the shotguns have taken us home, and the dark lord has discarded our souls. Because people need to eat… Great, who’s going to clean this shit off my shoes? This fucking month’s holiday, because again we have at least one every god damn month if not every other week… the thoughts they don’t stop no matter how hard you scream, is back to school.

Yes, back to school is a major holiday. If you didn’t know that you do now, and no, you aren’t any smarter or better for it. You’re welcome… Everyone is acting as though we are storming the beaches of Normandy. The big ones coming, this is it people, back to school, back to school, back to school. This is madness. With the kids in school people need less food in the house. Most of them will buy lunches or receive them at school depending on the area. Yes, people will be back from going on vacation, but this place hasn’t been a ghost town for the last two months. So, what are the sales up by a percent starting now? We really need to lose our shit over a percent?

Again, they act as if after this weekend no one is coming back to this store to buy food for the rest of the year. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was a few holidays out of the year that they are like this, but it is every holiday. Every god damn week they need to act like the company is going under. Maybe because I don’t get bonuses from all the bull shit that I don’t care as much? I do however get the lovely joy of doing all the work and dealing with all their bull shit, and yet I’m calm because it is just another fucking day. Thanksgiving wasn’t created to sell more shit it just happens to be like that. Jesus wasn’t born on the 25th so we could sell more shit. If he was even born on that day at all. As far as sales go grocery is a cake walk, but these people have their heads so far up their ass that they have to worry about nothing. In the history of America when was the last time we were like nah I’m good on eating today?

Never, and here in Texas we have enough fat fucks to make a company earn twenty billion dollars plus a year. We aren’t even in every city in Texas. The idea that we have to worry about one single weekend is insane. If you are so God damn concerned how about you hire some more people instead of making me do the job for two? If you were so concerned about your stupid fucking bonus. How about you put your hands in the shit for once? Yeah… that’s what I thought. Not as stupid as you look.

I get that we should always be a little concerned no one might come in, but as long as we don’t raise the prices to obscene levels or post some ignorant shit like gays aren’t real people. Because they are real people in case that wasn’t clear. We should be more than fine. Running around and acting like an asshole isn’t making any of this easier or run smoother. It isn’t motivating me to give a fuck. I’m fully aware that we need to keep the same level of greatness at all times. For fuck sakes people have to eat.

For the recorded I don’t work at the local truck stop… despite what you might have seen… it is only a rumor spread across the internet… Speaking of something we may or may not have seen… I’m also not looping The Shining… waiting for the old lady scene… Is it weird that I don’t find it disturbing at all?… I feel like I am supposed too… I mean she just wanted a hug?… Hug old people… they need it and it could be their last… isn’t that all that any of us want?… One last hug… Fuck the holidays…